Guide to Friedrich Nietzsche

With Slappy gone, my soul searching continues. Perhaps this classic jiggscasey.com article on Friedrich Nietzsche will lead me to my own inner superman.

Jiggscasey.com Guide to Friedrich Nietzsche

Friedrich Nietzsche was a deeply insightful, and yet extremely enigmatic late 19th century philosopher. Most people know of his greatness, but very few truly understand the man. After having read his Wikipedia entry, I feel extremely qualified to explain Nietzsche's genius to all you dumbasses.

Nietzsche grew up fatherless from the age of four after losing his father in a horrific trouser accident. Upon his father's death, he became the only male in a household including five women. Thus one can immediately see the motivation for his latent misogyny.

Nietzsche's work is broadly categorized by philosophers into two periods: his early or "formative" period lasting from 1865 to 1885 and his late or "crazy" period lasting from 1885 to his death in 1900.

Nietzsche's early professional career was spent at the University of Basel where he was a professor of classical philology. Classical philology is the interdisciplinary study of ancient texts and Phil Collins. While teaching at Basel, Nietzsche met composer Richard Wagner, the musical genius who finally gave Nietzsche an outlet for his latent anti-semitism.

It was during this phase in his life that Nietzsche became known as "Wagner's Monkeyboy". While such criticism completely overstated the role that Wagner had in Nietzsche's life, Nietzsche exacerbated such criticism in 1874 when he became president of the Richard Wagner Cocksucking Society.

Nietzsche's role in the Richard Wagner Cocksucking Society was a major influence on his work "The Gay Science" (1882). "The Gay Science" is an insightful study of lisping, interior design and man-on-man sex from an 1880's philosophical perspective.

Nietzsche's other major work from his early period is also one of his most well known: "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" (1885). It is in this work that Nietzsche introduces the concept of the Uebermensch (which is translated variously as the "over-man", the "super-man" and sometimes as the "piano-man".)

In this work, the main character Zarathustra is sent away from his home planet by his father Jor-El when Zarathustra is just a baby. Zarathustra's spacepod crashes into earth and to make a long story short, Zarathustra uses his super human abilities to battle criminal masterminds. As you've probably already guessed, "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" was an important influence on the comic book "The Silver Surfer".

It is at this point in Nietzsche's life when insanity really starts to kick in. Scholars argue about the cause of Nietzsche's madness, with some chalking it up to syphilis. Others, however, argue that the true source of Nietzsche's madness was his inability to get laid which, of course, further compounded his latent misogyny.

In 1888, Nietzsche published "Ecce Homo" which unlike "The Gay Science" ironically has nothing to do with homosexuality. "Ecce Homo" hit the trifecta of insane self-involvement as Nietzsche included chapters entitled "Why I Am So Wise", "Why I Am So Clever" and "Why I Write Such Good Books". In "Why I Am So Wise", Nietzsche finally reveals the secret that his "genius lies in his nostrils." Clearly, at this point, he was completely bonkers.

The last ten years of Nietzsche's life are spent in the care of his sister. And while his sanity deteriorated until his death, he spent every lucid moment feverishly working on his grand unifying theory, "The Will To Power". In the posthumously published notes(1901), it is revealed what his will to power is: a huge creepy moustache.

Clearly Nietzsche was one fucked up dude.

I have locked myself in the bathroom.

With Slappy gone for the week, I have been having a rough time. And the other jiggscasey.com writers are not giving me the emotional support I needed. For example, Booty won't stroke my hair, and Tasty won't hold my hand while I poop. And don't even ask about them stroking my poop... cuz they won't.

So now I have locked myself in the bathroom hoping that I'll be inspired; inspired to think of something funny. There's gotta be something funny that can happen in the bathroom. And I'm going to stay locked in here until I can think of it.

At least being in the bathroom will make it much more convenient when I poop myself in fear.

I just pooped myself in fear!

Slappy is not going to be here for the next week!

What am I going to do? How am I going to manage the blog? Will jiggscasey.com even survive? What if I leave the stove on or accidentally slip in the shower? I'm going to be totally screwed because

Slappy won't be here to save me!

Tasty, hold my hand! Booty, stroke my hair and tell me everything is gonna be alright!

Slappy is the witty one, but I must have something going for me. I mean, the blog is named after me. That's gotta count for something in this crazy virtual world...

Oh Sweet Jesus! Somebody get me some new underpants! I'm so screwed!