Search terms!

Guess who doesn't have an idea for a blog post today? It's me! It's me! Thankgoodness for search terms. I heart them.

"my room smells of fish" "my lamp smells of fish" "fish smell light socket": jiggscasey.com is the internet epicenter for fish-smelling furnishings.

"japanese satan" "japanese satan worship": Did you know that Japanese Satan drives a Toyota? He's really a company man.

"little known facts about bears": One little known fact about bears is that in spite of them being so large and hairy, they are often bottoms.

"whatever happened to the perfect strangers cast": Ironically, another little known fact about bears is that a large grizzly bear mauled both Mark Linn-Baker and Bronson Pinchot during a camping trip in 2002.

"nasty nighties": The nasty nighties sounds like the name of a roller derby team. Additionally, what does a sexy waterskier wear if not a nasty nightie?

Open Letter: Satanism just isn't about Satan anymore

Youth these days assume that listening to Judas Priest or watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer automatically qualifies them to worship my dark prince. They pop up at our service on Sundays and treat it like it's some kind of big Satanic game. To be honest, I wouldn't be so fed up with them if there was one truly evil teenager in the bunch, but it's clear that all we get are misunderstood losers.

These misfits make it obvious from the way they dress that they consider the occult to be more of a social club like Greenpeace than their chance to serve the King of the Underworld. Well I have a message for Diane or Skippy or whatever the names of those Sunday Satanists are: A mohawk and a Satan tattoo doesn't make you a Satanist anymore than a stethoscope and a scalpel makes you a doctor. We need to stop accepting such riff-raff into our congregation and focus on doing the truly evil work Satan has planned for us.

Many of the Satanic congregation feel that I am over-reacting to this never-ending heathen onslaught, but how can they forget that our eternal damnation is at stake? How can we be so trifling as to let the primarily good encroach on our hallowed grounds? Must I remind the congregation of the very relevant passage from the Book of Barthok:

It was then that Lord Barthok was interrupted by noises from outside. In the adjacent field, a stray pair of sheep had began to forage. He pondered whether to close the temple windows and continue, But instead decided to sacrifice the innocent at the altar of Gorgon.
(Barthok 17:31)

Did Barthok let the innocent sheep destroy his temple service? Instead of closing the windows and trying to ignore the commotion caused by the innocents, he sacrificed them at the altar of Gorgon. Now I'm not saying that we ought to sacrifice all these Satanic infidels on the altar of Gorgon. but maybe sacrificing just a few of them will get the message across.

At any rate, as a congregation, I think we should try to put the Satan back into Satanism and stem the tide of insincere Satanists coming to our service. Granted we can't keep them out of the Berkeley High gymnasium when the service isn't in session, but when it is, we have every right. In fact, it is our responsibility. After all, we did pay the deposit on the room..

As a final word, the isolation that I am receiving from the congregation because of my hard stance on this issue is making it painfully obvious to me that Satanism just isn't about Satan anymore, but rather about making everyone feel evil, when they clearly are not. It's high time that we take our church out of the Yellow Pages, and instead focus on guaranteeing the damnation of each and every one of the true believers.

May Evil Be With You

Worship Japanese Satan!

I was tagged with the food meme by miss kendra. As everyone knows, I heart memes. I want to have 10 million of their babies.

The rules:

1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the city/state and country you’re in.

Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
Lotus (Toronto, Canada)
tanabata (Saitama, Japan)
Andi (Dallas [ish], Texas, United States)
Todd (Louisville, Kentucky, United States)
miss kendra (los angeles, california, u.s.a)
Jiggs Casey (Berkeley, CA, USA! USA! USA!)

2. List out your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location.

Berkeley Food! B-Town in the hizzay! Berkeley, somewhat surprisingly, has an amazing array of great food that is priced reasonably to boot.

Blondie's Pizza: Cheap thick slices of pizza. Back when I first came to berkeley 10 years ago, a slice of pepperoni and a soda was 2.25. Now, that same combo is 65$. And don't go to the other place (Fat Slice) because Fat Slice is a steaming turd in comparison to Blondies.

Ti Couz: This one's in SF, and it makes buckwheat crepes that are orgasmic. Also, it's two blocks away from a Good Vibrations, so when I say orgasmic, I really mean it! And unsurprisingly, the service blows!

La Med: I would kill for their hummus... and I have... just twice though.

Cha-Ya: Vegan Japanese food, and it's actually good! They also make an amazing vegan chocolate cake. How is that even possible? Did they make a deal with Satan? Or at least Japanese Satan?

Cheeseboard Pizza: I heart meat. Even so, the vegetarian pizza here is killer. I know me talking about all this vegetarian food makes me sound kind of faggy, but this pizza makes me gayer than a picnic basket.

Cancun Taqueria: There are certainly better and more traditional burrito joints out there, but I will always have a soft spot in my heart for their mole poblano burrito and their salsa bar. Did you notice that this is the sixth place I listed? Listing six places is my way of getting back at the man. That and peeing in the river.

3. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged.

Slappy did that already, but I'll additionally tag Tits, Spinner, Lee Ann and Rebecca.