I am not gay, and never have been. I am the victim of a witch hunt... A witch hunt against people that eat a lot of fiber.Because I eat a lot of fiber, I have to take a wide stance when I take a massive dump. The wide stance increases the power I can bring to bear. And honestly when that turd just won't cooperate, I need every megapascal of pressure that the wide stance affords me.
Apparently, in some perverse circles, taking a wide stance in a public bathroom is somehow indicative of a request for sex. Can you believe that? It's so disgusting!
When I'm really applying the intestinal pressure, I shake and tap my foot. It's absurd that such a completely normal reaction to the stress I'm putting on my body could be misconstrued as requesting sex!
And when I really have to go deep down inside myself to force out a monster turd, I shout phrases like, "I am requesting gay sex!" How my shouting of the phrase, "I am requesting gay sex!" could ever be construed as a request for sex, I'll never know.
