Highs and lows on the week

Dear Expedia,

Have you really thought through your new ad where people come across a yellow suitcase with a discounted fare written on the side of it? Are you entirely sure that having people discover abandoned packages in public places is the best way to advertise? I keep thinking that there's a 60-second version of the ad where Homeland Security sends a team to detonate the suitcase. What was a corporate icon ten years ago today looks a lot more like an IED.

Dear Dennis Kucinich,

Congratulations on your third place showing in Michigan this Tuesday. Finally we have answered the question: "What would happen if every candidate abandoned a primary race and only Dennis Kucinich was campaigning on the ground?" Answer: Dennis pulls in 5%, enough for a gentleman's third place, only 35% behind "uncommitted."

Seriously Dennis, what kind of douchebag runs for president without any chance of winning? Oh, right. My bad. Carry on, sir.

Campaign 2008: Debates

Dennis Kucinich, what's the point? Are you going to do this every four years? You stay in the race too long, making the Democratic primary debates too crowded and chaotic, and making the 7 Dwarves analogy all too apt. Even if you could win the primary and general election, which clearly would require an unprecedented number of sex with farm animal scandals in your opponents' camps, how could you lead this country? It is a dangerous world, and our enemies would be emboldened once they realized how easy it would be to grab you, flip you upside down, and flush your head in a toilet. Do not make the office of the President synonymous with the swirly. I saw your latest poll numbers: 0% with an error of ±3%. Stand aside for my candidacy. I am also polling at 0%, but with an error of ±6%. I have twice the upside you do.


John McCain... You're kind of a badass. You frighten me. I won't say shit about you.