Numb Nuts?

In the realm of childhood insults, "numb nuts" doesn't really seem to cut the mustard*. Is being a numb nuts really that bad when compared against the maliciousness of a "dickhead" or the embarrassment of a "dildo breath"?

Even the condition of having numb nuts, while it's nothing to turn and cough at, isn't that bad. Just think of the number of kicks and/or punches to the groin one could endure if they had numb nuts. You wouldn't want to mess with that nutsack! It would be like the wolverine of balls.

The major downside of being a numb nuts would be the lack of a erogenous zone. But are school children really worried about this? If so, this would be another indicator that children are growing up too fast these days.

*I think this is the single greatest sentence I have ever written.

Campaign 2008: Promise

New campaign promise: Should I ever get the invitation, I will never raise my hand in a presidential debate. In part because I feel a debate should be about the exchange of ideas, not soundbites, and in part because it would open me up to such childish mockery.

"Okay, raise your hand if you fantasized about Ru Paul before you figured out she was a dude."


"Show of hands: how many of you are wearing frilly panties right now?"