Wednesday, July 30, 2008

On Boston

If there is one word to describe Boston, it is miserable. Don't believe me? Curse of the Bambino. Residents of Boston believed that because of a transaction involving a long-dead overweight pitcher, god wouldn't let them win the World Series. This one simple theory is based on three ideas: 1) god exists, 2) god hates them, and 3) god has nothing better to do than fix baseball games.

But why is Boston like that? It's not the haphazard street system that often requires four-dimensional signage, it's not the Irish, it's not even the realization that of all the Kennedys in the world they got stuck with Teddy. No, it's the weather.

You see, as weather-related misery increases - due to heat index in the summer, wind chill in the winter, precipitation, whatever the hell thundersnow is - the residents become more and more miserable. It's all in the scientific figure below:
Boston is trapped at the absolute minimum for happiness due to a peculiar quirk of human psychology. At some point the psyche breaks down and people become incredibly happy despite living in areas that are only habitable for a couple weeks out of the year. That explains Boston. The weather is too crappy to be joyous, but not crappy enough to be crazy.

1 comment:

Tits McGee said...

(i love boston)