Friday, May 30, 2008

Time for a Good Old Fashioned Stand Around!

Get ready everybody! Put on your best standin' shoes! We're gonna have ourselves one heckuva time once we start our good old fashioned stand around! I've been waiting all week for this!

Hey. You over there. I can tell from your gold watch, those uncomfortable Italian shoes and the confused look on your face that you're not from around here. A city boy like yourself probably can't appreciate the finer aspects of countrified living. Well you're about to get yourself a crash course in good old fashioned standing around!

It goes like this. Everybody, including the little ones, grabs an ice cold beer. Then we congregate in in front of my trailer and spend the next hour sipping our beers and standing still. And if we get lucky, one of them fancy jet airplanes might fly over. Talk about a party!

Now as a city boy, you might be thinking to yourself, "How could these rural simpletons derive so much pleasure from the mere act of standing?"

Well, the short answer to your question is that down here on the farm, where most of us don't have hardly any disposable income, we don't get a chance to go to any famous museums or fancy opera houses. Instead, we extract pleasure from the most banal of activities. For example, on Tuesdays we shoot rats. Thursdays we drive real fast. Today, though, we're going to have ourselves a good old fashioned stand around!

I know our country ways might seem rather pedestrian and strange to your cosmopolitan eyes, so allow me to give you a few tips for fitting in. First, you should remember to shift your weight to the other leg every few minutes. Second, ignore as best you can how powerless you feel in the face of ultimate tedium. Battle the ennui that overpowers and the self-disgust associated with such boorish repetition. If simple-minded country folks like us can do it, so can you.

Now pop open a cold one, and let's get standing!

4 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

Only if the ice-cold beer is PBR or Dixie.

I've got standards.

Übermilf said...

lawn chairs.

get some.

Tits McGee said...

Mmm...beer.

Thủ thuật smartphone said...

U right!
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