Friday, May 16, 2008

Stale Review

Last summer there were too many movies with a "3" at the end of the title, so I took a pass on all of them. Lately I've been plodding through them on Netflix. A couple days ago I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3: What The Shit Is Going On.

In it Johnny Depp is rescued from Davy Jones's Locker, and then along with the pretty girl, the pretty boy, and the villain from the first movie, they all try to kill Davy Jones, but each for a different reason. And they're all double crossing each other by trying to sell each other out to the British Navy. When they're not working together. Oh, and Chow Yun Fat is a mysterious Asian pirate who wants to kill Depp. Or Davy Jones. Or both. Then he dies and puts the pretty girl in charge of his pirate empire, because he thinks she is the sea goddess. But the sea goddess is actually the voodoo priestess, who was betrayed by Davy Jones. But they really do love each other, even though it doesn't work out and they try to kill each other. It doesn't matter though, because Davy Jones kills the pretty boy, and Depp uses the pretty boy's hand to kill Davy Jones which means the pretty boy doesn't actually die, but comes back as Davy Jones. The first Davy Jones is dead though. I think. Then the remaining pirates fight what appears to be the combined fleet of every naval power in history, but when they sink the flagship the navy turns around and retreats.

It was a lot to cram into a 5 hour film. According to the Netflix sleeve the running time was just under 3 hours, but clearly that's a typo. I even missed the cameo by Keith Richards as Depp's father because he had so much makeup on he looked more like Ringo to me. All in all I rate the movie Entertainingly Confusing.


B.E. Earl said...

What happened to a "Spoiler Warning"?

Just kidding...reading that didn't really help anyway, and I think I will be passing on it.

Lee Ann said...

Haha...I missed the cameo by Keith Richards as well. The movie was so long that I had to go to the ladies' room. I missed it while I was away for the 2 minutes.
Have a great weekend!
Lee Ann

Ɯbermilf said...

don't be jealous.