Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Alert the superdelegates!

Hillary Clinton has determined that by counting only states that held primaries instead of caucuses, including Florida where no one campaigned, and Michigan where Obama wasn't even on the ballot, she moves ahead in the popular vote tally.

Her math is faulty, though. Obviously, Michigan was an unfair fight, so those votes are out (don't worry, we'll seat the delegates because every state deserves to have representatives go to Denver and wear straw boater hats). Same with Florida. I agree that caucuses are bizarre anachronisms, so throw those out. But to include open primaries? You shouldn't be allowed to count votes where independents and Republicans and even Green Party members are participating.

By the same token, closed primaries shouldn't count either. I mean, it's not really indicative of how well a candidate will perform in the general election if only Democrats are allowed to vote.

That brings Hillary into a dead heat with Obama at zero votes, tied for second place behind... me. After counting votes in the comments section of this blog, I have five votes. Eliminating the three that came from non-US citizens and felons, I win the popular vote with two.

Bring on McCain!

5 comments:

Übermilf said...

I'll be your campaign manager!

And Jiggs can be the janitor who sweeps up all the confetti after the convention is over.

scumbag said...

just checking the old haunts. sadly, very few of you are left.

B.E. Earl said...

I call foul.

You are way too qualified to be a candidate. Can you cheat on someone, flip-flop on something, defend your racist minister or something? Please.

slappy said...

Ubie: I hope he gets one of those old-time push carts.

Scum: Yeah, the group has been decimated by consumption and dysentery.

Earl: Don't worry, I'm going to pull a Trent Lott-esque "insulting, but I don't realize it's insulting" speech. Probably involving my admiration of the honky race.

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