Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A Short Conversation with the American People

January 20, 2009:

John McCain: My fellow Americans, I want to thank you for electing me. I know it was a confusing election when the Democratic superdelegates nominated me as the Democratic candidate, but at the end of the day it saved us all a lot of money and commercial airtime. And starting today, I will balance the budget!
American People: {raucous cheers}
JM: Here is my proposed budget. As you can see, there will be a 4% cut in education spending, a 5% cut in funding for energy research...
AP: {stunned silence}
JM: Is something wrong?
AP: How can you cut spending on those programs? We like those programs!
JM: Yes, but I need to balance the budget. I don't want to raise taxes...
AP: Boo taxes!
JM: Exactly, so I'm going to have to cut spending in most discretionary areas.
AP: But we don't want you to cut spending, we just want you to balance the budget.
JM: That's it, I quit.

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