Wednesday, February 27, 2008


It's the end of an era: I'm buying a new car. For the past seven years I've lived without one, because this is Boston and having a car in Boston is like punching yourself in the junk - sure it seems like a good idea, but it will only lead to pain and misery. But the girlfiancee and I are moving to Pennsylvania soon, and she'll have a job, and I'll... be doing errands and cleaning the house for her, so we'll need that second car. After much searching, I have chosen the Nissan Altima.

It's got one of them keyless ignition deals. The "key" is really just a prox card, so if you have it in your pocket you can open the doors and push a button to start the car. This will be good for blowing people's minds, but I'm a little concerned that one day the car will decide not to let me in, or worse, not let me out. I figure the probability of the Altima gaining sentience during the 5-10 years I'll own it is only around 4%, but it is a worry. I'm not sure what to do if my car goes all HAL 9000 on me. Does AAA cover that?

Even worse, what if the car goes out of control like V'ger in the first Star Trek movie? That would be disastrous, since that movie really sucked. I mean, they had to bring in Ricardo Montalban for the next one just to rinse the taste of ass from peoples' mouths. Also, it could be the end of humanity.


B.E. Earl said...

Your Skynet/keyless entry issues are well founded.

And I see you've ordered your Altima in Terminator Silver...ooops!

mark said...

I think you made a really good choice. Nice ride, good gas mileage, reliable, and a great looking car. I drove one and I was quite impressed. Enjoy it.

TastyMcJ said...

Star Trek the Motion Picture is highly underrated, I don't care what society says.

miss kendra said...

i have had an altima and liked it.

the keyless thing freaks me out though.

Carl Spackler said...

great choice!

where in PA are you moving?

can you explain the HAL 9000 reference? i'm a finance guy not a techie.

slappy said...

Earl: Perhaps I should go with the Human Uprising Blue after all...

Mark: Hey, are you the guy from the Nissan dealership?

Tasty: I agree. I find the movie to be merely awful, not godawful.

Kendra: Sweet, I have the Kendra Seal of Approval! I think the next step will be a brainwave scan where you just think about the car starting.

Carl: Near Allentown, exact location pending where/if I find a job.

HAL 9000 was the computer in 2001: A Space Odyssey that went crazy and tried to kill the crew.

Spinning Girl said...


Kat said...

Nissans rock. You will loooove that car.