Sunday, December 02, 2007

College Football Roundup

For those of you not interested in football, may we interest you in movie reviews? Glimmer Man with Steven Seagal and Keenen Ivory Wayans, Five Card Stud with Dino Martin, and Sudden Death with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Congrats to the Warriors of Hawaii for making it into a BCS game. The locals love their U Hawaii sports so much that women's (Rainbow Wahine) volleyball is televised live with a replay later in the evening. $3+ million will buy a lot of poi. The future's so bright, and it's only getting better.

And Cal finished it's ludicrous slide from #2 in the nation to 6-6 by losing at Stanfurd 20-13. Many have asked this year what's up with Cal? To put it simply, we lack the depth and self-confidence to deal with injuries and bad losses. To put it more lengthily...

Cal Football

Before Jeff Tedford came in 2001, it was the Sharon Stone of college football programs. It used to be good a long time ago, and you can vaguely remember Basic Instinct, but all you know that on most Saturdays you’re going to see the football equivalent of the Basic Instinct sequel (Basic Instinct 2: Ms. Stone, Are You Entirely Sure You Want To Do This?).

Now that Tedford is here, and we have one of the great offensive minds running the team, things are different. Recruiting is still hard, but he manages to round up some good players. The team is thin, though, and can’t sustain much in the way of injuries. Today we’re more or less the college football equivalent of Lindsay Lohan or Tara Reid. You know that they’re hot, but that’s tempered by a subtle dread that at any moment the wheels can come flying off. And boy howdy can those wheels fly off. Things can be going great, undefeated and in the Top 5, and then boom, you’re on a five game losing skid and your strung out body is photographed half-naked slumped on the sidewalk and all anyone can think is “Yikes, woman, hide your shame. Ick.”

Then it's off to rehab, where you hope that maybe next year you can make it through the football season without passing out on the runway and flashing god and all creation.


Lee Ann said...

Is it still football season?
Have a great week.

B.E. Earl said...

Ohio State vs. LSU in the title game.

No we get to hear whining from Georgia, Kansas, Oklahoma, Virginia and Hawaii.

More whining that usual.

slappy said...

Lee Ann: It's always football season... it's just whether it's the regular season, or bowl season, or recruiting season, or spring game season...

Earl: Hawaii's not whining. They're happy to take their money and party in the Sugar Bowl.

But to make up for that, enjoy the whining from Mizzou, ASU, USC, and BC.

Carl Spackler said...

alot of questions marks surrounding the GayBear program. to finish 6-6 is horrible. i think next year will make or break Tedford. does the team have a lot of guys coming back? if they can rebound and get to a BCS bowl then you are ok but another season like this and he might have to go.

Carl Spackler said...

do you follow GayBear basketball?

that team hasn't been the same since jason kidd left.


B.E. Earl said...

Oh, I know Hawaii is thrilled to be playing in the Sugar Bowl. But they must also feel a little sad deep down that a two-loss team is going to the title game.

Ah, but for a playoff system!

Übermilf said...

I am in a snit fit ever since bowl games became played on days other than January 1.

slappy said...

Carl: He made a tough decision to go with the hurt veteran QB, and he'll be second-guessed, but you are aware he took over a 1-10 team, right? I don't think there will be a big drive to can Tedford unless we don't go to a bowl next year.

I find basketball unfulfilling. Too much back and forth scoring.

Earl: If they had ever been to a major bowl, they'd be annoyed, but the first time is always magic. Or sweaty groping and nervous apologies.

Ubie: You mean before 1961?... You know you don't have to watch a BS bowl if you don't want to, right? What amazes me is that even though people (rightly) crap on the Poinsettia Bowl, they still manage to pay the teams $750,000 and turn a profit. Wow.