Thursday, November 15, 2007

I need your help

In the second week of December I will be in San Francisco to present a poster at a conference. A poster session is where you put their research results on a poster in a big room and people walk around and talk to you about it. So yeah, it's basically exactly like your junior high science fair except fewer people making batteries out of potatoes.

The problem is that for the last few months, a combination of bad luck, equipment failure and my own incompetence (the split is about 25%-40%-35%), I have no results. My boss has an idea that he thinks will have all the upper atmospheric chemistry groupies throwing their panties on my poster, but I have to plan for the possibility that these experiments too may fail. In that case, I'll need to fill a blank poster.

My first idea would be to put my own picture on it. I'd be going more for a Lloyd Bridges in Airplane look than a Stephen Colbert on the Colbert Report look. On the plus side, I am pretty, therefore my poster would be pretty, and there would still be a chance that upper atmospheric chemistry groupies would throw their panties at the poster. On the negative, the session is four hours long and that's a long time to stand in the same pose as my poster picture.

My other idea so far is to have the title of my poster be "Who is the most important person in science?" and then have a mirror on the poster. I mean, it worked so well for Time magazine's Person of the Year issue. Who doesn't like having their asses kissed?

So clearly I need some help from you guys in figuring out what to put on my poster. I need your help. Science needs your help. And those upper atmospheric chemistry groupies? They need your help too.


Carl Spackler said...

how about a diagram showing how the Flux Capacitor works?

Ɯbermilf said...

Call in sick that day.

Booty J Patrol said...

Maybe Randall will let you make a poster size version of this:

miss kendra said...

i recommend a n00d of some sort.

the nerds will be subdued.

B.E. Earl said...

Oooh, are you going to use oak tag?

I used to love me some oak tag!

slappy said...

Carl: Maybe, but it's just a bunch of flashing LEDs in a Y pattern. But I'll try to score some plutonium for the 1.21 gigawatts.

Ubie: That's a good idea. I'll just tell them I cam down with a bad case of sucking at science.

Booty: Yeah, but I've tried science. Doesn't work.

Kendra: Only if it's done tastefully and advances the plot.

Earl: Screw that, I'm going to use oak. Then if someone doesn't like what's on the poster I'll say, "But look at that material! That's oak."

Tits McGee said...

Boobs. Definitely boobs.