Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Women's beauty products scare me

I was wasting time in the local Long's Drugs, picking up some toothpaste, some high life and a few pieces of patio furniture, when out of the corner of my eye I saw something that frightened me so much that I almost had to change my pants.

It appeared to be a woman covered in blood with creepy plants growing out of her eyes. I wouldn't be surprised to see that image in a slasher flick, and here I saw it above a bunch of cheap, imported women's beauty products. Given that they were trying to sell these cheap, imported beauty products, the imagery must not have been intended to frighten, but rather persuade the consumer to purchase said cheap, imported beauty products.

Upon further inspection, it became apparent that the creepy blood-covered woman was only the beginning:

The other tortures that these products advocate range from covering the face with blood and having creepy plants grow out of them to splashing gobs of frothy white semen into the eyes. It was truly the definition of horrific.

However a little further down on the display, one of these cheap, imported beauty products contained the secret to overcoming the aches and pains associated with being covered in blood and having creepy plants growing out of your eyes. The product was a bath water additive that soothed the skin and relaxed the psyche. Although if you check where the bathing woman's right hand appears to be at, the secret to relieving aches and pains has much more to do with masturbation than the pleasant odor of bath salts. Finally, some truth in advertising.


Scarlet Hip said...

This is barbaric!

Carl Spackler said...

there is nothing like a good "release" in the bath tub. although, its a litle weird seeing float around afterwards.

B.E. Earl said...

Ah...the old "I'm cleaning my oven" commercial came flooding back to my memory.

I think it was Steve Martin doing that schtick, but I can't recall.

miss kendra said...

she can't help it! baths are erotic.

jamwall said...

I normally masturbate to the packaging. That's 35 WalMart's I've been banned from.

amera hearts said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
amera hearts said...

okay that actaully scared me too!

oh and jamwall. funny you should mention that. were you by chance at the walmart in slc last saturday morning?

my friend and i thought someone was masterbating in the dressing room which was right next to the umbrellas.

Tits McGee said...

I think I have to go take a bath now.

In bleach.

Spinning Girl said...

That just ain't right!!!!!