Thursday, October 25, 2007

My campaign is in tatters

I lost the Chuck Norris endorsement. He's backing Mike Huckabee. Yeah, more like Mike Suckabee! Burn.

I didn't mean that. I actually like Huckabee; he's a rare modern politician who governs based on his beliefs instead of douchebaggery. I don't agree with his policies, but I'd be content to try four years of compassionate conservatism after eight of douchebag conservatism. I didn't mean to viciously lash out like that, I'm just a little shell-shocked that I lost the endorsement.

I thought I had done everything right. I worked out on the Total Gym, I reviewed two of his movies, I practiced my roundhouse kicks every day after work. Clearly it wasn't enough. There is only one explanation: Mike Huckabee lost 110 pounds not merely as a health precaution, but as a course of his training in the deadly arts. Only matching Chuck Norris and surviving (I imagine they fought to a gentleman's draw) could cinch the endorsement. We'll know for sure if we see Huckabee crush Giuliani's head in the next debate. Please dear god make that happen.

Maybe I need to focus my energy on helping Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul win the primaries so that we can have the general election be the first ever Battle of the Short, Crazy Dudes.


Carl Spackler said...

i'm still keeping hope alive that we will see the McCain of 2000 during this election. he seems to be gaining momentum which is nice.

we need someone who would provide leadership and not the political game.

Ɯbermilf said...

I accept the nomination!

jamwall said...

I draw dirty pictures in the write-in part of the ballot.