Thursday, October 11, 2007

I love America...

It's just I think I'd love it more if there were about 40% less. I don't mean selling off or consolidating states (I'm looking at you, Dakotas), I mean that sometimes our cultural bounty is excessive to the point of our own spiritual detriment. Cultural bounty of course defined by television.

It's like 24 hour news channels. We've got 2.5 channels (I'm looking at you, MSNBC) that have to fill 24 hours of airtime despite the fact that even on the busiest days of history there has only been about 2 or 3 hours of news. The rest is repetition, men in bow ties yelling at each other, and the abductions of attractive young women. The only thing worse is that morning shows have expanded to four soul-crushing hours. No human can be chipper for four hours without chemical enhancement.

Other things are just useless. I can get a 15 day weather forecast, even though any predictions made after Day 5 might as well have been made by a drunk monkey. Do we need 15 seasons of Survivor? Do we need to see Mark Cuban dancing with stars? Do we need Fox and Friends? Do we need I Love New York 2, a sequel to a spinoff of a spinoff (Flavor of Love) of a VH1 reality series (Surreal Life)? The answers are no, no, no, and yes.

I'm not saying we need to consolidate TV channels down to a more manageable number like 4 or 5, but we could at the very least dedicate one channel to letting Conan O'Brien, Andy Richter, Tina Fey and Dave Chappelle just fuck around for 24 hours. Or however long the funny lasts; the rest of the time can be the Indian head test pattern.


Carl Spackler said...

i'm definitely with you on the last comment. i really, really miss the Chappelle show.

ps- farts and fluff forever

B.E. Earl said...

I'm addicted to Survivor and there is no cure.

I concur with everything else.

miss kendra said...

i would watch that channel. even the indian head part. it's better than plenty of other shows.

yournamehere said...

I think we're a decade away from nothing on TV but jiggling breasts and guys getting hit in the nuts.

yournamehere said...

And frankly, I can't wait.

jamwall said...

Does anybody know what kind of bowl can be used to get the perfect Mark Cuban haircut?

Lee Ann said...

Those test patterns are cool! Look at these!

slappy said...

Carl: Genius show. Shame that the suits at Comedy Central broke his brain.

Earl: It may be inoperable but you should have a long and healthy life since they clearly plan on doing Survivor for the next 50 years.

Kendra: I think the indian head could get good ratings in the 8:30-9:00 slot. People watch anything then.

Your name: Would that be on a split screen?

Jammer: A freaking huge one.

Lee Ann: Nice test patterns! (That should totally become a pickup line)