Saturday, September 22, 2007

USA! USA! USA!

Women's World Cup action live on ESPN2. USA versus England.

Keep an eye out for Hope Solo, American goalkeeper and pilot of the Millenium Falcon. Also Heather Mitts. She's not on the field, she's in the studio, but she's very pretty.

15th minute: England keeping possession, America playing longball. I'm still trying to think of a special relationship joke.

38th minute: US strategy is 1) hit long ball, 2) hope for corner kick. Good chances, ugly soccer.

Halftime: US got some good chances late in the half, but England is playing better.

48th minute: Abby Wambach heads a corner through the keeper into the net. 1-nil US. She hit that ball like a motherfucker. Or fatherfucker. Either way, US with the lead.

51st minute: England great chance in the box... but she heads it away from net. That was weird.

57th minute: Shannon Boxx takes the ball off a midfielder's foot and launches a low shot into the right corner. 2-nil. Shannon Boxx is a member of the Porn Star Name Athlete Hall of Fame, along with Texas QB Colt McCoy.

60th minute: English keeper misplays a ball and Christine Lilly walks the ball in. 3-nil and goodbye to England. Take that, you Limey bastards! That'll teach you to burn Washington DC during the War of 1812.

2 comments:

Nick said...

no one cares. Except maybe Colt McCoy.

slappy said...

Wow, you're right. I would have expected more people to care about women's international soccer.

The important thing is that I put a post with "porn" in it. That keeps us up in the search engines and ensures a steady stream of disappointed surfers coming to jiggscasey.com.