Friday, September 14, 2007

Reviews of movies I haven't seen

Welcome to a new segment here at, where I review a movie based entirely on the trailers, crew, and poster. First up: Mr. Woodcock.

Review capsule: It sucks.

Despite the usually reliable cast of Billy Bob Thornton, Seann Williams Scott, and Susan Sarandon, this film disappoints even those who just wanted to see guys getting hit in the nuts repeatedly. Those viewers will enjoy the nut shots, but find the 87 minute runtime to be overlong and wish that the director had tightened the film down to a 25 minute nut shot montage.

I do have concerns over Billy Bob's film selection. If I were his agent, I'd want to get him some different roles or else people might think he's a misanthropic weirdo. Seann Williams Scott? More like Seann Williams I Make A Lot Of Bad Movies. Zing!

A word of praise though for Susan Sarandon, who is still inexplicably hot. I mean, everyone remembers her in Bull Durham but I think she was also in Pride of the Yankees. Heyo! I now understand why she's such a strident Democrat - if the Republicans stayed in power any longer she wouldn't be able to legally harvest stem cells from Chinese orphans.


Carl Spackler said...

i heard this movie was suppose to be released last year but for some reason was postponed.

i can't imagine billy bob is hurting for money so i'm not sure why he takes all these silly roles. personally, i thought he was great in Friday Night Lights.

i do like the name Woodcock though.

miss kendra said...

sean william scott is an abomination.

B.E. Earl said...

Susan Sarandon looks like the teachers I wish I had when I was in high school.


amera hearts said...

haven't heard of the movie, but agree. susan saradon is amazing!

ps. i SO agree with miss k!

slappy said...

Carl: Delayed release... maybe they were priming it for the next Oscar cycle.

Kendra: More or less so than Ashton Kutcher?

Earl: Amen.

Amera: More or less so than Ashton Kutcher?

amera hearts said...

oh hm. good question. i had to think about that for a moment. i dislike him more than ashton. his face reminds me of getting kicked in the nuts.