Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The Abounding River Blog Post

Read aloud to the other bloggers before you continue: "I love and honor myself and am grateful to read this blog with you."

Miss Kendra was up in my neck of the woods this past weekend, and Sunday, we went out to have lunch with friends. Desperately hungry, we jumped at the first place that satisfied everyone's dietary restrictions (I can't eat anything containing carbon), and ended up at a vegan restaurant called, "Cafe Gratitude".

The moment we sat down at the table, we realized that we made a huge mistake. Every item on the menu was given a title of the form, "I am X" where X was an adjective. For example, I had a dish called, "I am sustainable" and one friend had a smoothie called, "I am chipper". After a few moments reading the menu, I wanted to order a "I am filled with rage", but they didn't have that on the menu. They didn't even have a "I am overcome with self-loathing"

Even more bizarre than the goofy hippie bullshit menu was the pad of paper sitting on the table. Each sheet was entitled, "The Abounding River Log Sheet" and looked like this:

With this piece of paper I could be, "Brahman creamy jiggs" or "Christ umpteen Casey".

Make up your own names be as disgusting at as we felt eating there.

I have never found a funnier piece of paper on a table at a vegan restaurant.

15 comments:

slappy said...

I think you look more like a Holy Heaps Jiggs. Kendra of course would be Mother Luscious Kendra. I'm pleased that Star Wars geeks can be The Force.

Wait, they have Infinite in both categories? I am Infinite Infinite Slappy.

Nick said...

double infinity cancels each other out.

I would snap and end up making fun of everyone that worked there until they snapped and threw me out and beta me with hunks of unleavened bread made with non-bleached soy flour.

Nick said...

beat me. Not beta me.

jamwall said...

Oh my, I feel for you Jiggs with Compassion regarding this menu ordeal.

Sincerely Compassion-Gorged Jammers

Ɯbermilf said...

So, killing animals is bad but ruthlessly destroying trees for inane bullshit is okay?

I call foul.

Carl Spackler said...

slappy,

how does vegas sound for your bachelor party?

slappy said...

I was thinking either Vegas, Atlantic City, or Amish country in PA. Regardless it will be 48 hours of continuous gambling (either omaha, no limit holdem, or in the case of Amish country, pig races).

B.E. Earl said...

I am Jack's raging bile duct.

Nick said...

I am Jack's overused movie quote.

miss kendra said...

slappy, you know me so well.

i did of course choose luscious as one of my words...

i am grateful.

Scarlet Hip said...

Oh! Fight Club references. My favorite.

Congratulations, you're one step closer to hitting bottom.

Love, Eternal Creamy Scarlet Hip

Lee Ann said...

Since my name is two words.....
My spirit word and my abundance word are two words each:
I am the Compassion-Goddess munificent-effulgent Lee Ann

amera hearts said...

i was vegan since birth and in 2001 when I had dairy....i never went back. dairy rocks my world now.

Tits McGee said...

Mother Creamy Tits.

'Nuff said.

Spinning Girl said...

That was priceless!