Friday, July 27, 2007

What's in a virgin?

Or perhaps a better question is, "what's not in a virgin?" Indeed, what does the word "virgin" mean?

For example, some women use the word to mean that they have never done anything sexual with another person, while other women use the word to mean that they have done everything under the sun, except the penetration of their cooter.

Therefore I propose a new tier of virginity borrowed from the production of olive oil. The most pure olive oil is known as "extra-virgin," and it should be obvious how to incorporate this distinction: One can only be an extra virgin if they have never done anything sexual with another person.

A nun is extra virgin, but the Christian head* cheerleader is just a virgin. When I was a dorky 16 year old, I was an extra virgin, but now I'm still an extra virgin actually.

Ironically, an olive only becomes virgin after it has been pressed. I'm still trying to figure out how this affects my proposal.

*get it? HEAD cheerleader!

14 comments:

Nick said...

This is one of your better ideas. Degrees of virginity don't make me sound nearly as lame.

Because, you know, I've done stuff.

slappy said...

Brilliant. In part because we now stand to triple our traffic based entirely on "sexy nun" searches.

Spinning Girl said...

Don't forget to include the important distinction between "cold-pressed" , "warm-pressed", and "hot pressed"

Carl Spackler said...

could one of you guys do a post on the recent michael vick news? yesterday he was in my hell hole town for his arraignment and it was like a circus. i'd love to hear your opinion...especially if you add the gay sex stuff in it like you did for UFC.

toodles,

CaRl

jamwall said...

I usually cover my women in olive oil anyway. Its healthy and only contains good cholesterol.

miss kendra said...

i wonder how i've been pressed!

Tits McGee said...

I would so press your olive, baby.

TastyMcJ said...

since when do nuns have to be virgins?

slappy said...

Carl: I'll post something Vick-ish this weekend.

Because I love you.

Nick said...

I can tell you what's not in a virgin... penis!

amera hearts said...

i actually liked this idea was was wanting to figure out where i fit on this so called scale you proposed, but you never really gave any additional info.

Lee Ann said...

The extra virgin olive oil can be used in making an extra virgin into a virgin!

slappy said...

And the Comment of the Month goes to Lee Ann!

Lee Ann said...

YAY!!!!!