Tuesday, July 03, 2007

What about us?

Bush commuted Scooter Libby's sentence yesterday, which isn't a pardon, so I think he won't go to jail but he has to pick up trash on the side of the road for 80 hours in one of them orange vests. I think it's probably a good idea for us to all forget about this chapter in the Quest to Bone Karl Rove. Not that boning Rove isn't a valiant quest, but this attempt misfired, and really, there'll be another chance or two in the next year. My guess is that evidence will be uncovered that he has personally tortured MoveOn.org organizers in Gitmo.

More to the point, Mr. President, what about us? We might need some commutation soon too. You see, a while back Jiggs discovered a blog had been stealing some of our articles. We consulted our legal expert Booty (motto: "I don't have a law degree, but I've watched many hours of Court TV") and he advised us that our primary legal recourse was to "beat his ass." Turns out the best option was to contact the website administrators, who shut the blog down, but not before we had driven out to Lodi and beaten the crap out of an overweight 35-year-old man living in his parents' basement.

So again, Mr. and Mrs. Williams, we're sorry, please don't press charges.

And thank you for the cocoa.

8 comments:

jamwall said...

Sometimes you have no legal recourse but to threaten bodily harm.

jamwall said...

oh by the way, Bush commuted Scooter Libby's sentence yesterday, which isn't a pardon, so I think he won't go to jail but he has to pick up trash on the side of the road for 80 hours in one of them orange vests. I think it's probably a good idea for us to all forget about this chapter in the Quest to Bone Karl Rove. Not that boning Rove isn't a valiant quest, but this attempt misfired, and really, there'll be another chance or two in the next year. My guess is that evidence will be uncovered that he has personally tortured MoveOn.org organizers in Gitmo.

Isn't that crazy?

slappy said...

I will beat your ass!

Wait... wait, I'm being informed by legal counsel that I will not in fact beat your ass.

Nick said...

Fucking Bush. Jesus.

miss kendra said...

next time you play renegades, call me.

Carl Spackler said...

i feel bad for scooter. he took the blame for rove and cheney. i wasn't surprised one bit when he his sentence commuted.

i'm sure haliburton or some other big republican company will give him a cushy job as a "consultant" or make him a member of the board of directors so he can collect a big paycheck for doing nothing.

Ɯbermilf said...

I am shocked, shocked at this administration's sudden and unprecedented contempt for the U.S. justice system.

slappy said...

Nick: 70% of America agrees with you. The other 30% agrees with you, but at this stage is more thinking "Fuck it, I'm riding this one out."

Kendra: Awesome. You can be the Lea Thompson character in our Wolverines.

Carl: He's looking at some good soldier bonus money, no doubt. Between a cushy think tank job and the speaking fees he'll command, I think he'll be able to cover the 250K fine easy. Not that he won't be pardoned next year.

Ubie: Justice system? That was abolished in the last Patriot Act because it was a quaint pre-9/11 concept. Where have you been?