Monday, July 30, 2007

Pranks dentists play on people

1. Tell someone he grinds his teeth at night. Explain that it is a stress response, but you're seeing some significant wear on his teeth.

Well, now I've been grinding my teeth even more because I'm stressed out that I'm fucking up my teeth.

2. Have the patient come in to give a filling and fit him for a mouthguard to stop all the wear on the teeth at night. Give him novocaine before doing the molds for the mouthguard. Then tell him to rinse out his mouth well to get the residual goop out from the molds. And step back.

I think I shot a stream of mouthwash three feet out of the gap left by the numb part of my mouth.

He's a good dentist, it's just that I think he's an evil genius too.


Ɯbermilf said...

Dentists are uniquely qualified.

Spinning Girl said...

I think the whole mouth-guard thing is a giant racket organized by the AEDA (Associated Evil Dentists of America). I have one too.

Admittedly, I sleep better when I wear it.

I soak it in Efferdent all day.

This might be why I am having wayyy less sex than I would like.

miss kendra said...

i need a mouthguard something fierce.

Lilly said...

I got one of those mouthguards back in November last year. F**king hell, when I did realise the kind of long term damage the grinding can cause, I did indeed grind even more [oh, good think I got the mouthguard now, eh? What with the extra grinding I am now doing....].
Cost me 2000 Danish kroner! Gez.

Good luck with yours.

slappy said...

Ubie: He was also a dentist in the uniquely creepy Novocaine.

Spinner: You should take it out before you proposition a gentleman caller.

Kendra: I bet you could make one cheap just using the styrofoam inserts in a computer box. Okay, maybe not.

Lilly: Yeah, I didn't realize they'd be so expensive. As far as I could tell, they take a mold with silly putty and make something out of plastic. How can that be so expensive? I could get someone in the plastics lab at MIT to do that for a six pack and some Cheetos.

Nick said...

I think it's bullshit that dentists are so expensive and yet you pretty much have to go see them. Cavemen didn't ever go to the fucking dentist.

What a racket they got going on. "Oh I need a dumbed-down nurse to 'professionally' clean my teeth? I don't fucking think so, I have a toothbrush, hands, floss and a ready supply of water, I can clean my own fucking teeth."

slappy said...

Ah, but Nick, what about the wonderful thing that is the cute dental hygienist? It's the only time where it's socially acceptable to just stare slackjawed at a cute girl for half an hour.

Lee Ann said...

I hate going to the dentist...which reminds me....I am due to go =(

jamwall said...

I dig chicks with mouthguards who love drinking Efferdent.

amera hearts said...

hm, i my dentist has been telling me to get a nightguard for years.

the picture looks like the thing a hockey player wears and i'm afraid of that.

ps. the blog needs a new poll!

Carl Spackler said...

i thought i would let you know i have had 19 teeth removed. true story. 12 came at once since none of my baby teeth came out so they removed them. this is where my passion for my beloved NY Islanders started. i was living on long island at the time and we went to the team doctor for the NY Islanders, thus they became my favorite team. it was pretty weird have no teeth for awhile but fortunately my adult teeth came in pretty quickly.

Tits McGee said...

My dentist told me I needed a mouthguard, too. Clearly this is a horrible dentist conspiracy.

Lilly said...

You are SO right, Slappy!! I cannot quite understand how it can be that expensive either....perhaps I should have become a dentist and made a bomb (metaphorically speaking, that is!).