Saturday, July 07, 2007

Jiggsinetics

We are proud to spread the gospel of Jiggsinetics with the One Commandment:

You see, all religions have the same central tenet: don't be a douchebag. It is the one Commandment, it is the one Pillar, it's everything. Except Zoroastrianism which focuses on proper scalp care. But all the other religions really just want people to stop being such douchebags. The problem arises when the religions get so caught up in rules and prohibitions that they lose sight of the peace and brotherhood they say they want. Next thing they know, they're embroiled in a millennia-long holy war over whether a word in an extinct dialect should be translated to goat or pig.

In the Jiggsinetics family, we aren't going to pressure you on what you eat. There will be no prohibitions on language, although we'd appreciate it if you didn't use apostrophes for pluralization. Whenever we see signs like "Apple's for sale" it really ticks us off. And no restrictions on sexual acts between consenting adults - hell, if it was really fantastic share the story at the next congregation picnic. "Dear exalted high priests and priestesses of Jiggsinetics, I never thought something like this would happen to me..."

7 comments:

Tits McGee said...

I saw a sign at a store once that said "Ladie's Clothing Half Off!" It made me want to punch someone in the neck.

Your religion appeals to me. I am not a douchebag, I am an omnivore, and I totally like filthy sex. Consider me a convert.

miss kendra said...

i love this religion. i am officially a jiggsentologist.

amera hearts said...

awesome! i will have to seriously consider converting!

Ɯbermilf said...

I'm in if someone makes me a grilled cheese sandwich right now.

I need lunch.

slappy said...

Tits: Glad to have you aboard. Maybe the store was selling a collection of clothing by the famous designer Ralph Ladie.

Kendra: We're also considering Caseyoligist and Schmientologist.

Amera: Ooh, another potential convert on the fence. We'll need to have free pie at the meetings. That'll do it.

Ubie: Did it materialize? I tried to perform a rite for the Miracle of the Grilled Cheese, but I'm not sure if I did it right.

Tits McGee said...

Mmm...pie.

Nick said...

Sorry, I violate the one commandment fairly often.