Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Fourth of July tips

It's America's 231st birthday, so we're going to take it easy today, maybe grill something, watch some explosions. The usual. We put up a poll on the left to gauge people's opinion of the country. In the meantime, here are some tips for maximum holiday enjoyment.

  • Hamburgers are the tool of the Kaiser. Grill hot dogs instead.

  • Start drinking at noon, not when you wake up. This isn't St. Patrick's Day.

  • Recent reports indicate that England is finally over the Revolution thing, so it's okay to mention the holiday in their presence. But no noogies. Keep it dignified.

  • Wait at least 15 minutes after eating before invading a country.

  • Are you sure you're wearing enough clothing with stars and stripes designs on them? (This advice primarily applies to women over 45)

  • If you can't legally purchase fireworks where you live, just cut out the middleman and light a grassfire.

  • Can't miss pickup line on the Fourth: "Hey, you wanna celebrate the founding of the Republic by doing it?"


Tits McGee said...

Shit. I guess I should put this beer back in the fridge, then.

Also, that pick up line would totally work on me.

miss kendra said...

i love you boys. happy fourth.

B.E. Earl said...

Shit! It's 3PM already.

I need a beer and a burger! (ok, maybe a hot dog as well...sheesh)

[Silly] Lilly said...

231! America is such a baby!!! ;-P

slappy said...

Tits: Duly noted. Oh yeah.

Kendra: We love you too. Oh yeah.

Earl: You could always have a hamburger with a hot dog on top... I think that would be legit. Or a Cosby Show style bacon burger dog. Oh yeah.

Lilly: We are a baby. A big beautiful baby. Oh yeah.

jamwall said...

being that i'm sick at home. ON THE FOURTH OF JULY. i'm afraid its going to be nyquil binges for a little while.

Nick said...

oh yeah, oh yeah.