Saturday, June 09, 2007

My latest money making scheme (please don't steal it)

I am going to open a chain of old-school barbershops - not some bullshit "unisex salon" like Supercuts, but a real barbershop with combs soaking in weird blue liquids. The catch is that the barbers don't talk to you. I like going to a place where the guy knows how to trim the back of my neck with a straight edge razor (without it feeling like he's scraping my skin with a stone hand-axe he crafted from a large piece of flint), but I hate having the same conversation every four weeks.

Yeah, the weather's been terrible lately/finally we got some good weather, huh? Work's a drag, isn't it? And the traffic! Don't get me started on the traffic. What do you think about those clowns in Washington? How bout that local sports team? Sure hope we beat our crosstown rivals.


jamwall said...

i like to go into a barber shop run by a group of ex-aging mercenaries who trod the jungles of Cambodia in '69. With each step these guys toyed with death where a landmine could tear through their flesh like a hot knife through a Toaster's Strudle.

Their technique is very unique. They are always suspicious when you enter, they almost reach for their guns, only they don't have guns, they have scissors and straight-edged razors.

During the haircut, upon the moment where they shave the backside of my neck, one of them will say (for no reason) "do you know that severing the jugular will create a stream of blood that will shoot across the room and hit Earl on the back of his head?"

Like I said, these guys are really good as long as I'm not armed or covered with camoflauge.

GrandPooOfAwesome said...

I'm always looking for a good money-making scheme, but I won't take it.

Will you have a quartet?

slappy said...

Jammer: I can't believe they'd mess with Earl like that. Earl is crazy.

Poof: No quartet. I can't stand close harmony singing. Just like King Brian in the deleted scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

I mean, not like I'm some kind of super geek or anything.

amera hearts said...

um, okay. good luck with that.

in other news. paris hilton is going back to jail!

Tits McGee said...

I soak my combs in weird blue liquid (it's called Barbasol), I know how to trim the back of your neck with a straight-edge razor ever so gently, and I'll be quiet like a churchmouse while I'm doing your hair if that's how you like it. Plus, you'll get a complementary scalp and neck massage.

I'm no old-school barber, but I'll give you the best damn haircut of your life.

slappy said...

That was kinda arousing.

Nick said...

plus she'll rest her rack on your shoulder.