Saturday, June 16, 2007

Just like golf, but miniature

First, would like to make a firm stand here: minigolf must have wacky holes. There have been too many courses I've seen, particularly here in the Northeast, where it's just like 18 relatively flat putting greens. If you don't have some combination of weird slopes, holes that lead to detached greens, water hazards, windmills, or a loop-de-loop (my favorite), don't call yourself a minigolf course.

I was one of three couples went to Kimball Farms out here in the greater Boston metro today. They've got a very nice pair of 18 hole minigolf courses. Us three gentlemen played a minigolf skins match. Sorry, Tits, that doesn't mean we were stripping. Basically, each of us put $1 for each hole (skin). If one person had the best score on the hole, they won the money. If two or three of us tied for best score, the skin goes to the next hole. When one person wins that, they take all the money.

It was wonderful. A new high for me in degenerate gambling. I didn't win anything in the first 17 holes - even though I tied for the win on a bunch of them. Bleak, but I rallied and managed to only lose a few bucks... because the couples played 9 holes of best-ball pitch-and-putt (60-100 yard holes, you get a pitching wedge and a putter) with $5 each for the best score. As it turns out, I can pitch pretty good, but my girlfriend has a great short game. I would pitch the ball onto the green, and she would alternate between too short and over the green and a bank off the guys playing in front of us. So we'd use my shot on the green and I would promptly putt the ball somewhere not very close to the hole, then she would re-shoot my putt and sink it. Any distance, any break in the green. She'll mess you up.

Then we had ice cream and played bumper boats. Bumper boats are inner tubes where you hold a two-stroke engine that runs a little propeller in the water. A two-stroke engine is the dirtiest engine design in the world, and unfortunately I knew what I was breathing in, but then I got to ram into the guy who won a bunch of money from us in minigolf skins and it all felt beautiful.


amera hearts said...


all i can say is wow.

you are becoming so domesticated!

ps. love mini golf!

Nick said...

we used to play putt-putt skins games in high school. great way to spend a day.

Carl Spackler said...

mini golf and bumper thats what i'm talkin about! the only thing better would be if you were hammered during both events.

i remember those bumper boats fondly...those engines remind of the kind you find in your typical lawn mower. they are real loud and do a good job of poluting the environment.

slappy said...

Amera: I am rather domesticated. I have given up my old life of fast women and loose cars.

Nick: Ah, you come from "putt-putt" country. That may be worth a geographical survey to see what people call it. I feel like it is very common in the Midwest.

Carl: If you go to a minigolf course hammered, you'll just end up hitting on a 15-year old and going to jail.


jamwall said...

Don't they ban booze at the putt-putt/bumper boat place? I thought most drunken putt-putt/bumper boat games end in murder.