Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Gay Agenda

An election is approaching, so it's just a matter of time until we start hearing from the GOP about the danger of the "gay agenda." As most of you, I always thought this was just paranoid ranting, but that was before I found this copy of the gay agenda left behind after a secret gay leadership meeting at a Krispy Kreme. (Yes, the secret gay leadership meetings are at a Krispy Kreme. What's weird about that? Gay people can't like donuts? Those fresh glazed ones are so damned good when they're hot. Gay or straight, there's no denying it.) You will be as shocked as I was to see how intricate their plans are. It's almost enough to make me vote for McCain. But not Romney - that's just crazy talk.

Bring down Ted Haggard with some combination of meth and male prostitutes.

Get photographic evidence of Dick Cheney doing lines of coke off a 19-year old Puerto Rican manwhore's ass.

Take over Bravo channel.

Gain at least 20% control of the Kids in the Hall.

Take over C-SPAN.

Design rainbow flag.

Plant newly branded rainbow flag on uncharted South Pacific island, future site of weather-controlling machine.

Put Will and Grace on air to dispel myth that homosexuals can't make a terrible formulaic sitcom.

Discover cure for cancer; don't share it with straights.

Circulate rumors about Tom Cruise to turn him into a couch-jumping Scientologist nutjob.

Develop tactical nuclear weapon.

Steal all colors, starting with purple.

Convert the Teletubbies, starting with Tinky Winky.

Cause global warming.


jamwall said...

I've been noticing more makeovers happening on CSPAN lately. Why just yesterday during a Senate hearing, five very funny and sarcastic gay men broke into the hearing chamber and started making sarcastic but hilarious comments about the interior design and how everybody dressed.

They finally got Senator Henry Waxman to shave that mustache and start using Crest White Strips.

Carl Spackler said...

Slappy, i think you are the wind beneath my wings.

B.E. Earl said...

I used to think all the Kids were gay, not just Scott Thompson.

Still not so sure about Foley.

miss kendra said...

i submit for your consideration... this.

jiggs said...

you forgot about commandeering the rainbow! The rainbow used to be the domain of the leprechaun!

slappy said...

Jammer: If they had only trimmed Waxman's mustache a bit he'd be the congressional John Waters.

Carl: I'm glad you can fly, fly, so high you almost touch the sky.

Earl: Dave Foley's new blonde hair does bring up some questions. He was definitely the most convincing Kid in drag.

Kendra: That site is sweet.

Jiggs: Good point. I'll change the post now so your comment looks weird.

Dick cheney said...

Tick me off!

I'll show you the video if you bring the coke.

slappy said...

Hiya Dick. I'll be right over. I assume you have the manwhore then.