Monday, June 04, 2007

Ban the Sears catalog!

Or you'll start smoking crack!

When I was a young boy, I remember sneaking peeks of the lingerie section of the Sears catalog. Because of my youth and inexperience, the tame photos of middle-aged women in their nighties could get the blood flowing to all the right places. Now, the thought of me getting excited from such innocuous imagery is laughable. These days, if a sex scene doesn't include an act named after a Mexican, I won't even get a chubby.

The Sears catalog is the marijuana of pornography! It's a gateway porn to hardcore!

Those cops that came to my school told me not to try the evil weed because they said it would make me want to smoke crack. But they didn't warn me about the Sears catalog, and now look at me. Once upon a time, I could enjoy the Sears catalog. Now I get my jollies watching a donkey do it with a panda. Just think of how many other nice little boys turned into raging perverts because of the Sears catalog. It gives me a chubby just thinking about it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go smoke some crack.


Lee Ann said...


Misty water-colored memories of the way you were. Scattered pictures, of the smiles you left behind. Smiles you gave to one another for the way you were. Can it be that it was all so simple then?
If you had the chance to do it all again, tell me, would you, could you?
Luvya Jiggsy

Nick said...

I miss Slappy.

slappy said...

I miss me too.

But Jiggs is right about the Mexican-named sex acts. Have you ever seen a girl do a reverse Cesar Chavez? Nasty.

miss kendra said...

i knew my swimsuit catalog was missing.

Carl Spackler said...

you make a great point. i used to look at the lingerie section of the Sears catalog and while i didn't smoke pot i did do ectasasy and other illegal substances.

however, i'm happy to report i now look at the Victoria's Secret catalog!

Tits McGee said...

Mmm...panda porn. Mmm...crack.

Seriously, though, Jiggsy. I'm not quite middle-aged, but I am wearing a pretty cute little nightie.

I'm just saying.

Spinning Girl said...

I always thought National Geographic was the gateway.

slappy said...

All the ladies dream of Jiggs giving them a Ricardo Montalban.

Nick said...

that's nasty!

jamwall said...

whacking off to flabby arms is a gateway to ultra nasty porn involving flabby arms.

Ɯbermilf said...

I want a donkapanda for christmas.