Monday, June 11, 2007

Dandruff like me

So yesterday, I get out of the shower, dry myself with the towel and check myself out in the mirror. Only this time, instead of being mildly aroused by the sight of my own nakedness, I notice that I have dandruff! Very very bad dandruff; As if I tumbled head-first in a cocaine factory dandruff.

It was odd to have such very bad dandruff because I didn't have *any* dandruff the day before. In the span of one night I had gone from Jiggs Casey, the ruthlessly sexy man about town to Jiggs Casey, dandruff guy. My life was over.

As I started to pick out the white flecks from my hair, I imagined my future; A future where I am resigned to buying 'Head and Shoulders' shampoo. A future where every month I approach the check out stand at Target and shamefully hand the bottle of dandruff shampoo to the checker, looking like a horse that needs to be put down. A future where I'll never have sex again.

Then, in order to better understand my tiny white tormentors, I plucked a dandruff flake from my hair and looked at it, deeply, intensely... But it didn't look like dead skin... It looked like... like... a tiny bit of tissue!

I looked back at my bath towel and noticed my "dandruff" all over it. A tissue must have gotten in the wash and covered the towel with its disgusting tissue flesh. And when I used the towel, the universe played a joke on me and transfered them to my hair.

How silly it was for me to think I had pubic dandruff!!!


slappy said...

Didn't you learn from when you splashed marinara sauce on your arm and thought you had eczema? Or the time you slept with that Thai hooker and thought you got the clap?

Oh wait, you did get the clap. My bad.

Carl Spackler said...

have you checked for pubic lice?

Ɯbermilf said...

Or pubic gnomes?

Do you hear shrill giggling from your groin at night?

miss kendra said...

pubic gnomes are a serious threat!

slappy said...

Mainly because of the giggling. Bad for the self-esteem. Leads to the purchase of Camaros with gold-chain license plate frames.

jamwall said...

they've got those little pubic combs that you can buy at the pubic salon. i've recently started using styling paste in my pubes.

B.E. Earl said...

Pubic hair? You guys are old enough for pubic hair?

Shit! I'm on the wrong site!

amera hearts said...

i can relate so i love this post!

jiggs said...

slappy: your bad indeed!

carl: Only on other people.

uebermilf: I only hear giggling at my groin, not from my groin.

miss kendra: I often make pre-emptive strikes against pubic gnomes.

slappy: my camaro has flames painted on the side. It's awesome!

jamwall: "styling paste"? Is that what you use for you pubic hair? I have only ever heard of styling gel.

b.e.: you gotta be at least 14 to read this site. BOOYAH!

amera: this one's for you

Tits McGee said...