Sunday, June 03, 2007

Campaign 2008: More Debates

Fred Thompson is entering the race soon, I hear. I will put this debate out there to blunt any momentum he might built next month when he announces.

Fred Thompson, you claim to be the next incarnation of Ronald Reagan - an outsider to Washington better known as an actor than a politician. You are not the next Ronald Reagan. First of all, you are a good actor. Ronald Reagan was in a movie with a chimp and couldn't get top billing. Second, you were only a senator for one term, and you didn't do much while you were there. You're John Edwards minus hair.

While we're at it, Al Gore, don't even think about it. You used to be what we call an easy target. Now, you've added fat to the list of things people can mock you over. I know the triumphant return must appeal to you, but you would be looking to repeat history: Vice President for a 2-term popular president who led the country through a peaceful economic expansion, lost a tight election over dodgy electoral shenanigans to a young, inexperienced political scion, spent years out of the limelight only to return with a new sense of charisma... that's not your story; that's Richard Nixon. Don't become the next Richard Nixon. Stick with the PowerPoint.

The only other big name that might run is Newt Gingrich, so I may as well cover all my bases. Newt Gingrich... are you fucking kidding me? 1. You are Newt Gingrich. 2. Your name is Newt Gingrich. There will never be a President Newt.

I respectfully await any or all of your rebuttals in the comments section.

3 comments:

Carl Spackler said...

Fred Thompson was in Richmond lastnight. i didn't get a chance to see him but the paper said he gave a great speech. all the candidates suck as far as i'm concerned. there is no clear cut winner. i think obama has tremendous potential but no experience...especially when it comes to foreign affairs. the democrats should make him be a senator for another term or maybe even governor before launching him into the presidency.

farts and fluff forever,
Carl S.

slappy said...

Obama would make a great VP candidate. Yes, I am the 5 millionth person to say that.

Anytime people are saying "I wish Al Gore and Newt Gingrich would run" is a sign of desperation. This could be the year for a third party candidate. Vote Slappy, douchebags!

jamwall said...

This presidential field is killing me. Its looking, from all indications, that we're destined to receive the same load of bullshit from the White House--different people. My only hope in this seemingly hopeless situation is that there will be no "inner circle of Texas douche bags."

This is why Slappy gets my write-in.

By the way, do I just write "Slappy" on the ballot or "the other guy on Jiggscasey.com"?