Friday, May 11, 2007

My thoughts on Barry Bonds

I kinda want him to shatter the record and retire on 800 home runs. Not because I don't think he did steroids, not because I think people who hate him are racists, but just because it will piss off almost 60% of people watching baseball.

And it's so silly. If the player you hold up as the paragon of baseball purity didn't do steroids, he took amphetamines (who can blame them; it's an ass-slow game). If he didn't take amphetamines, he killed a hooker. It's always something. The real reason that people hate Barry Bonds isn't the "cheating," it's that he's a jerk.

But when people start writing articles pleading for God to keep Barry from breaking the record, I have to hope he does. Because whenever a sportswriter falls into that perspectiveless self-important douchebag zone, I want them to suffer even more.

What can I say? I enjoy watching people get worked up about stupid shit. Like Kirk Cameron trying to prove the existence of God on Nightline. That's fantastic. For the record, I don't believe in any deity whose existence can be proven by Kirk Cameron.


miss kendra said...

i agree.

except i think kirk cameron should team up with Willie Aames (aka bibleman) for all future appearances.

you know, to up the fun factor.

danny said...

wasn't willie aames "buddy" from charles in charge of my cock?

The "purists" in baseball need to realize that it is gonna happen. And deal with it. I could give a rats ass one way or another, cause I hate black people. And midgets.

amera hearts said...

i would have to agree with miss k.

ps. kirk and his sister are bible toting crazies.

also. i very much want bonds to smash the record. he deserves it.

Ɯbermilf said...

If Barry Bonds breaks the record, it will prove God's existence.

At which point God will come down and smoosh Kirk Cameron with his giant thumb.

slappy said...

Kendra: I forsee the greatest sitcom ever.

Danny: How do you feel about Gary Coleman? 'Cause he'll mess you up.

Amera: I didn't know Candice was also fundie.

Ubie: Yeah. That or the Monty Python giant foot.

Tits McGee said...

I heart Barry Bonds.

Also, I will be forever grateful to you for linking to the Slate article. I was an atheist until I saw the duck-o-dile, but now I believe. I believe! Hallelujah!

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