Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Jim the Telemarketer gives his side of the story

Take a look at Booty’s post below. When I read it I thought the telemarketer sounded familiar. So I called him up and it turns out he was the Jim I remembered. I should probably flesh out this premise a little. Uh, I guess we went to high school together. Yes. Jim and I went to high school together, he was voted Most Likely to Become a Telemarketer, and he shared the answers he made up on behalf of Booty while he chatted up his answering machine. Here’s the transcript he submitted to his supervisor. Now that’s a good premise.

Hello, is this Mr. Booty J Patrol?

Yes, that is totally my real name.

Great, how are you today?

I can’t lie to you, I’m feeling a little bloated.

My name is Jim, and I’m calling on behalf of the San Francisco 49ers, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Ordinarily, I’d mumble something about having to leave or cook dinner, but what the hell, I’ll answer your questions. I’m just so lonely. I think I need a hug.

Great! Are you a sports fan?

What do you mean by that? What, you think I’m gay or something? I love sports! I love sports, and beer, and having sex with large-breasted women!

Excellent! How do you feel about the 49ers this year?

Well, they might sneak into a wild card but I doubt it, there’s just too much rebuilding that needs to take place - especially on defense. Even as weak as the NFC is, they probably won’t make the playoffs for another couple years. See? I’m a sports-lovin’ man’s man.


jiggs said...

I don't believe for a second that booty would say those things. especially the part about him liking sports and being a man's man.

Monkey said...

I feel bloated too. Booty... hug me??

slappy said...

Jiggs: Jim's supervisor thought that line sounded suspicious, but the part about loving big-breasted women made the made-up transcript more plausible.

Monkey: I'll send Booty over.

Booty J Patrol said...

Jiggs, I think you are confused. That is the transcript that the telemarketer made up, since I wasn't there and he was talking to my machine.

Monkey, although I do not actually feel bloated, I will hug you anyway. How much is a ticket from San Jose to Portland, ME?

Slappy, I'm glad to know that Jim at least made me sound like a many who likes sports, even though I really couldn't give a shit about pro football.