Saturday, March 17, 2007

The Weekly Hate

Welcome to a new segment called the Weekly Hate, which depending on how much hate we have going on, might become the Hate of the Indeterminate Time Period. For now, weekly. I will inaugurate the segment with this memory from the dentist office when I was a kid. Highlights for Children - fine publication, I liked to find the hidden objects in the pictures, myself. But what the hell is up with Gallant? Screw Gallant. Think you're better than me?

Ooh, look at me, I'm Gallant. I never do anything wrong. I spend all my time studying and helping around the house. I'm a whiny little bitch. Hey Gallant, how about you stop making your brother Goofus look like a dick, huh? He's your brother. Act like it. Maybe when he screws up you can just take him aside and say, hey, you should ask mom if she needs a little help with the dishes? No, you jump in to do it, so he's the bad son. Have you ever even talked to Goofus? I've never seen it. He wasn't exactly dealt a good hand in life - your parents named him Goofus. And here you come along always showing him up. Have you thought just once that constantly making him look like an ass is why he does bad in school, and stays out late, and does meth? Douchebag.


miss kendra said...

i HATE goofus and gallant.

highlights was the only magazine in my dentist's office until i was 14.

Ɯbermilf said...

I think Gallant is Karl Rove.

Goofus never actually did anything wrong; Gallant set him up all the time.

Spinning Girl said...

Am I the only one who ever rubbed one out to this cartoon?

slappy said...

Highlights for Children is to dentist office as Gideon's Bible is to motel.

Does that make Scooter Libby Goofus?

Spinner, I don't know for certain, but I'll wager that at least two other people who read this blog got down to Goofus and Gallant. I know a lot of guys are turned on by the female version, the Olsen Twins.

Kat said...

I remember finding out what douchebag meant after using it for just about all of grade 3. I stopped using it for a long time. But it's finally back to funny.

Ya Douchebag.

oh and, I also remember finding out what goofus-us meant, thank lordy heavens the easy way. That one I stopped using so I wouldn't be reminded the hard way.

Lee Ann said...

I hate going to the dentist!

GrandPooOfAwesome said...

You just made me punch myself in the face for slacking on my blog reading. These are some great posts. "Ten pounds of awesome in a five pound sack"...roar!

jamwall said...

gallant likes to hand out cocktail weenies to other kids for no reason.