Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Science Corner

Here are my three counter-arguments to intelligent design:

1. The appendix: No function; if it gets infected you can die.
2. The larynx: Its position helps us talk, but also is a choking hazard. A better engineered throat would allow me to talk clearly and wolf down hot dogs without worry.
3. The testicles: Seriously. In the top 3 of my vital organs, and completely unprotected? And for that matter, why do boys' bikes have the high crossbar? Are they designed that way just to crush our nuts if we fall off?

The theory of intelligent design of bicycles is also flawed.


Monkey said...

I never understood those "Boys Bikes" either. I ride my Banana Seat Bike with pride. Pride I tell you!

P.S. I've been away... I like the new look!

slappy said...

Monkey's back! Awesome.

I wonder if a banana seat bike would lead to less crotch numbness on long rides...

Ɯbermilf said...

If your testicles were on the inside, they couldn't be lightly tickled during an erotic feather massage.

Kat said...

Maybe Mary invented the high crossbar.

slappy said...

Ubie: I do enjoy a good ball-tickling. Perhaps the ability to pull the balls up inside to protect them if you're playing baseball.

Kat: Mary did tell me once that I had gone too far and she would not rest until my nuts were horribly damaged. I thought it was just a figure of speech.

miss kendra said...

i have extra bones in my feets.

am i evolving?

slappy said...

That's probably an evolutionary advantage. Start breeding immediately. Preferably with a gentleman with more than 206 bones too.

I envy the people who are born without wisdom teeth.

Carl Spackler said...

i must say this blog has improved significantly since you started posting.

you make a great arguement about bikes. thats always why i used girls bikes...or something like that.

also, have you ever tried running with a jock strap on...its annoying as hell.

Booty J Patrol said...

You have to get one of those prostrate friendly bike seats to avoid the numbness. It is split down the middle, to keep the pressure of your taint.

See here

jiggs said...

booty: i have heard that those bike seats are worse for your junk because it's the same amount of force, but distributed over less area so the pressure is higher on the blood vessels that fuel your junk.

amera hearts said...

i don't know how to ride a bike :(

at the bodies exhibit it said that your balls are only good for procreating. hm.

slappy said...

Carl: Thank you. I try. The girl's bike was a good choice for protecting your general taint area, but the rainbow streamers were overkill.

I haven't run with a cup since Little League. I've sashayed a bit more recently, but never ran.

Booty: I don't use a road bike, so I don't think the split seat would work for me. Actually, the best seat for a hybrid is (I think) just an ass pad, no "nose" to compress your taint.

Jiggs: Depends on where your taint blood vessels are. Is there a doctor on in the community?

Amera: Do you mean the Bodyworlds exhibit? That was awesome - they had a giant plasticized disected camel. Whatever it was, though, they were only half right - the balls are good for procreation and tickling. And bikes aren't necessary - I'm holding out hope for jetpacks.

Lee Ann said...

Yeah, if the larynx weren't in the way it would be helpful!!! ;)

Oh, those boys bikes....even though it does not compare to the hurt they can do to a guy, they can hurt girls pretty bad too!

jamwall said...

god has a huge monster cock.

slappy said...

Lee Ann: You are correct. No one, man or woman, should be struck in the crotchal region.

Jammer: Are you trying to set up a "made in god's image" joke? Because if so, bravo.

Kat said...

I'll say it again.
If that's his real mug.

Spinning Girl said...

I love when you fall off the seat onto that bar, and make that elephant-seal groan of pure pubic pain. I LOVE THAT!

Some people have a little stub of a tail. Some of those people get it pierced. I DON'T LOVE THAT!

slappy said...

Spinner: People with tails? Do they still sell Thalidomide in your area?

twolf1920 said...

Yeah dammit...I have racked my nards MANY times in my life too~What the HELL?