Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Humane poultry killers - more fun with google patents

I found all these hilarious (in a dark way) patents for what people claim to be "humane" chicken killers. Consider this description for one such humane chicken killer from 1895:
My invention relates to an improvement in poultry-killers; and it has for its object to provide a machine which will be exceedingly simple, durable and economic, and humane in its action, being so constructed that the head of the fowl is subjected to a sudden blow, stunning the fowl, and at the same time a knife is passed through the neck, separating the vertebrae, killing the fowl, and permitting it to bleed copiously.

A couple of other chicken killer patents have hilarious diagrams. I call the following the chicken cutter because it's like a paper cutter adapted to kill chickens:


And I call the following the iron hen as it's a box that you place the chicken into, much like the iron maiden.

11 comments:

slappy said...

I love the dashed outlines indicating where the chicken goes.

I only eat chicken that comes from farms that kill the chickens painlessly via morphine drip.

miss kendra said...

chickens are yucky.

Brookelina said...

Can't they just shoot them?

sombrero11 said...

This is serious business. We wouldn't want to have a repeat of the incident that created Mike the Headless Chicken, would we? Mike has a website, by the way...

http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/

sombrero11 said...

Shit... That was supposed to be a link. Why the fuck is an "a" a link in HTML? FUCK!

http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/

sombrero11 said...

OK, why the hell doesn't that one work?

Lee Ann said...

Ouch! It looks so technical!
I have heard stories of how they used to do it....manually!
(I really could not have been one to do that though!)

Brookelina said...

Poor Sombrero. Here you go.

Mike the Headless Chicken

Nick said...

Brooke's doing it for Sombrero.

Kat said...

When I was a kid my neighours had chickens. They used a block of wood and an axe.

jamwall said...

what's wrong with using hand grenades?