Friday, March 23, 2007

Campaign 2008: Debates

As the campaigns of the more "mainstream" candidates discover blogs and MySpace and whatnot, I thought I'd launch the first blog-based debate. My first opponent will be Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton, you are a polarizing character. Republicans believe you tried to impose a health care system cribbed from Stalin and personally shot Vince Foster in the face. Your 1992 one-liner about baking cookies continues to echo in the political arena because many Americans love the traditional family arrangement, and many more love cookies. In fact, polling experts believe that most of your supporters only want to vote for you because it would piss off Republicans more than anything. Your unfavorable ratings routinely range from 40 to 50%. My unfavorable ratings, on the other hand, are zero within the margin of error. My favorable ratings are also currently zero, but that is bound to skyrocket once I start reaching out to the 99% of the voters who haven't heard of me.

I say that the time for healing has come. If you are elected in 2008, then we consign ourselves to more oscillation between political dynasties. Jeb in 2016. Roger Clinton in 2024. Where will it end? Don't condemn Chelsea to run in 2040 - drop out of the race now and throw your support behind me. There might even be a place in the Department of the Interior for you...

I respectfully await your rebuttal in the comments section.

10 comments:

miss kendra said...

this is a very well thoughtout argument, and hilary should agree post haste.

Booty J Patrol said...

You forgot to mention that you are heavily favored against Hilary in the "People who read Jiggsblog and hate Hillary Clinton" demographic.

Lee Ann said...

I would like to be in the audience for that debate! ;)

Brookelina said...

Hilary called. She said, and I quote, "I know you are but what am I?"

End quote.

Monkey said...

Poor Hilary. I love her, but will never vote for her.

I like that Brookelina has the ear of Hilary. Oh my.

slappy said...

Yeah, well Hillary, your mom called...

She said you suck!

ZING!


I'm actually banking more on the "sweaty pervert" demographic, and the search terms that Jiggs finds just goes to show that I am well on my way to dominating the market.

josh williams said...

I would rather Sir Emund Hillary were running, I would vote for that kiwi, if we could get those damn laws changed.
I believe anyone in the world no matter their nationality can run for president. We need to open the doors to new ideas and who better than a forigner?

slappy said...

I think we should even go further than that. Open the elections not only to foreign-born candidates, but also fictional characters from books, TV, and movies. Martin Sheen's West Wing character would make a very good president.

jamwall said...

billy carter in 2008!!!!

yeah, i know he's dead...

so?

slappy said...

If they amend the Constitution to allow dead people to run for President, I'm backing JFK.