History of the day for July 25

On this day in 1999, the National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER) concluded in a research report that the group most marginalized from the benefits of the New Economy is "dead people."

Fuck you AccuWeather.com!

I know I shouldn't blame the messenger, but on Wednesday it's supposed to be 102 in Boston with a heat index of 107.

I want to go to the beach, sink to my knees and pound the sand like Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes. You maniacs! Damn you all to hell!

Part of me wants to work on oil sands in northern Alberta just to avoid summer.

FUCK YOU BLOGSPOT!

I wanted to post pictures and you won't let me.

History of the day for July 30

In 1814, Intercourse, Pennsylvania is incorporated, marking the first and last time 13 year old boys are allowed to name a city.

History of the day for July 29

In 1974, Minneapolis resident Dinah Miller becomes the first person to read James Joyce's Ulysses in its entirety. She is shocked to discover that the last half of the book is actually a collection of grocery lists, rants about local politicians, and pages and pages filled with those weird symbols at the top of the typewriter keys.

Verizon is the devil

I moved last week and am currently trying to convince Verizon to give us DSL. Verizon does not consider me worthy of DSL though. I called them up and after spending half an hour waiting for dail up tech support (you'd think a phone company would have better automated tech support) I got someone to ask about the DSL.

Douchebag: I have your start date as July 27th which is today...
Me: No, that was yesterday.
D: Oh.
M: I'm connected to the modem but the modem gets no signal.
D: Is there a blinking light on your modem?
M: Yes.
D: Then you have no signal.
M: Are you going to do anything about it?
D: You should wait to see if we install it today, and if not, call back.
M: So the start date has no meaning?
D: Not really. What are you going to do about it? We're Verizon, we control the entire Northeast Corridor. Suck it, customer!

I am spending most of my time at home building IKEA furniture. I've decided on a project called "The Adventures of the IKEA Manual Blob People." It'll be some kind of comic book.

A party in my pants

We're throwing a party tonight in the jiggs/tasty/b-town household. The theme is "party in my pants". We're asking people to dress up in their wacky pants. There are pants everywhere. We bought a bunch of children's pants and stuffed them with newspaper to fill them out and hung them from the ceiling. It's so fucking creepy. Also, we cut out hundreds of little neon pants and stuck them all over the wall. Tasty likes them because they look cool under a black light and he has a total hard on for black lights.

History of the day for July 28

In 2005, taking the Cap'n Crunch model to the next level, Lucky Charms maker General Mills releases the Oops! All Marshmallows cereal line. This dominates the industry until a generic brand, Bag O' Sugar, undercuts General Mills by eliminating food coloring. It takes General Mills three years before it recovers with the smash hit Methamphetamine Crunch.

Tiny Sajak the PIMP!!!

Some of you might think I have a problem. And you would be right. I think about tiny game show hosts all the time. In fact, I just made up a little rap song about tiny sajak. The song is about him being a pimp.

TINY GAME SHOW HOST ADVENTURES IN SPACE! JEOPARDY

Jeopardy Edition:

$200: This tiny game show host flies around in a fortune cookie.

$400: This tiny game show host flies around in the now gone of moustache of his full-sized self.

$600: This blogger refers to his penis as "Tiny Sajak".

$800: Tiny Trebek killed this tiny Lingo game show host in a dispute Tiny Shandi.

$1000: This tiny game show host is EVIL.

TINY GAME SHOW HOST ADVENTURES IN SPACE!

Mullet Watch! Episode 1

To track the building excitement over the growth of my mullet, I have decided to institute a new feature here at jiggsblog called "Mullet Watch!". Every "Mullet Watch!" I will provide a picture of my mullet and any additional mullet related info.

So far, even though my mullet is still a junior mullet, two women have already told me that it is hideous and I must cut it. Here is this week's mullet pic:

History of the day for July 24

In 1965, Helen Gurley Brown becomes the new editor of Cosmopolitan, bringing the innovations of the half-naked covergirl, the orgasm article, and the new nickname: "You Are WAY Too Fat."

Hot enough for ya?

Seriously, actually. Is it hot enough for you? Because it's fucking hot.

History of the day for July 23

In 1968, Lyndon Baines Johnson decides against pursuing the party's nomination for President due to his escalation of the unpopular Vietnam War and because his large, misshapen head was frightening to children and the elderly.

I took a bath today

"So what," you might say. "I hope you clean yourself EVERY day," you might say. Well, I do clean myself every day, but that is not why I was taking a bath. I was also not taking a bath to relax. I'll give you a clue why I was taking a bath. Here is a picture of the thermostat in my apartment:



As you can see, it pegs out at about 93 degrees. Luckily, I'm a temperature/time geek, so I have 3 other thermometers around the house. They confirmed that the temperature in my apartment was in fact 95 degrees.

It's god-damn hot in here, and I don't have air conditioning or insulation in my walls, so the only way to survive was to submerge myself in a pool of cold water with a fan blowing on me. That is why I took a bath.

And people still deny global warming.

Uebermilf is a stern taskmaster

Uebermilf wanted a new post for today. And what uebermilf wants, uebermilf gets.

Are you happy now uebermilf?

I am milfy whipped.

***

WHERE'S MY.... CHOO CHOO TRAIN?!?!?!

History of the day for July 21

In 1996, John Carpenter releases Escape from LA, the long awaited sequel to Escape from New York. It turns out his secret to writing the Escape from LA screenplay was the Escape From New York screenplay and a thesaurus. Rumors leak from the Carpenter camp that his future projects include Escape from Des Moines, Escape from Upstate New York, and Escape from the Planet of the Apes.

I turned to Tasty and asked,

"What crazy and hilarious things did we do today?" Cuz I don't know what to blog about. And as it turns out, we did not do any crazy or hilarious things.

Some people love kittens and some people love hitler. If you're like me and love both, then you'll enjoy www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com.

Or if you're like me and you like Sam Jackson and the possibility that your flight might be overrun by snakes, then you'll love Snakes on a plane! "I don't want no motherfucking snakes on my motherfucking plane!"

And check out my new t-shirt design! Dry Humping Saves Lives!

History of the day for July 20

In 1963, Woody Allen directs his first film. Almost completely unknown today, it is actually a light musical about two happy people in love. It is panned by critics, and one close friend of Allen's advises him to "write what he knows instead." Allen responds, "Write what I know? All I know is how to be a neurotic, sex-crazed Jew in New York!" Thus a career is born.

Take me to your cyborg!

this one gives you a cyborg name.

Here was my result for my TastyMcJ cyborg:




Scarily, this was surprisingly accurate.

I was less satisfied with the results when I coupled the hot naked cyborg with the obvious 'FuckBot' moniker:




...the O.T. should more preferably represent

Oral-sexing
TastyMcJ

You can imagine my surprise and dismay at this oversight.

At any rate, click on the either of the graphics to link to the quiz and take it yourself....It'll be fun!

Tuna (Kitten) in a sandwich

I finally did it. I finally decided to make my kitten in a sandwich. Tuna has been a great kitty, but at the same time, I am all about kitten sandwiches. You remember Tuna, right? Tuna is the kitten that miss kendra sent me.

Sure, it will be sad to see Tuna go, but I am also happy that I get a sandwich.


Adding a little mustard to really bring out the kitten flavor.


The rest of the pics are a little too gruesome to show, so I leave you with this pic of me about to enjoy my Tuna sandwich.

History of the day for July 18

In 1986 Bernie Schwartz is institutionalized for thinking that he is god.

Where's my floss?

I'm working on some new t-shirt ideas based upon the images you see here. Unfortunately, I'm having trouble coming up with amusing phrases to pair with these amusing images. For example, for the vampire shirt, I think it might be amusing if it said "blah! Can I borrow your floss?" but I'm far from sold on that.


And this pic is so rad looking, but the only phrase I can think for this one is "candles are so scary!"


My t-shirt store is growing and people sometimes even buy my crap! But sadly, the designs that I work the hardest on don't ever seem to sell.

History of the day for July 17

In 1981 The Dukes of Hazard first aired. The show proudly displayed the
beautiful young Daisy Duke's lower buttcheeks, thus insuring that
libidinous adolescent boys would always remember the show.

History of the day for July 16

In 1967 the Welsh, sick and tired of being the most overlooked culture in
the British Isles, connect their culture with romanticized versions of
witchcraft and sorcery, thus insuring that confused adolescent girls would
always remember them.

History of the day for July 15

In 1982 pioneers in the design of software company offices use the grand prairie dog cities of the great plains as inspiration for the cubicle cities in modern offices.

So I signed up for a kissing booth

I have never done anything like a kissing booth before am I'm kind of freaked out. Kissing is a nice fun thing, but with people I don't know?... I might bring a bunch of saran wrap so I can practice safe kissing. I don't want to get SARS! Or Bird flu!

Anyway, Tasty, me and this other guy named B-town went to a bar in the city last night to meet up with some of the pals with whom this kissing booth is being done and in theory, there was going to be practice kissing. Apparently there was some though I didn't know/participate in any of it. And then one of the women I was thinking about practicing with was making out with this dude that I heard was a total loser. Oddly this made her less attractive.

As a side note, B-town suggested the following new word: Curriculum Fetae. Your curriculum fetae which is the number and location for all abortions one has participated in.

History of the day for July 14

In 1978 Warren Zevon pens his only sizable hit, Werewolves of London. In an attempt to cash in on this hit,he quickly followed Werewolves of London with Vampires of Vladivistok, Frankenstein's monsters of Tallahassee, and the now infamous Frightening Cat People of Broken Arrow, New Jersey.

"tuna" is my kitten's name

After much deliberation and gnashing of teeth, I have decided to name my new kitty "tuna" as Tumbleweed suggested. Everybody had great suggestions, but "tuna" really set my heart aflutter.

Here's a picture of me asleep after my new pal had crawled up onto me:


one day, in the not so distant future, you'll see a picture of a tuna sandwich.

History of the day for July 13

In 1923 nihilism is invented by frenchman Gerard Envoire. Much to his
lack of interest, no one cares.

Lilly is so rad!!!

Merry jiggsmas to everyone! I got another gift in the mail! This one is from the wonderful and awesome lilly. Check it out! She sent her package all the way from Denmark! She had to spend 325 kegels to send it me (kegels is the unit of currency in denmark). Here is the envelope and letter she sent me (click on them to see them bigger):

Dear Jiggs,

I am proud to present you wtih a small selection of Danish candy. Yes - SPUNK is readily available in most candy shops, supermarkets, etc in this country. In fact, we love stuffing our faces with SPUNK and we even give our children a wee box of SPUNK too now and again! YUMMI! :)

Since I am familiar with your twisted sense of humour*, I am convinced that you will find the enclosed boxes of SPUNK mildly amusing - ENJOY- and be sure to offer your friends a taste of your Danish SPUNK too! [Hey, you may even use the stuff in connection with a chat-up line.]

SPUNK - greetings, Lilly xx *viking*

*That is one of the reasons I like you :)

What an odd letter. One might almost infer that "SPUNK" has some kind of alternative meaning...

And here is the spunk (click to see them bigger):


The candy looks like little birds. One box is citrus flavors and the other is cola flavor which are my two favorite spunk flavors.

So I tasted the SPUNK and while I wish I could say that I liked the sweet flavor in my mouth, unfortunately it doesn't taste very good and is a little too chewey. Here's a pic of me enjoying the taste of my SPUNK:

History of the day for July 12

In an incident similar to the spray-painting of the phrase "Clapton is God" on a London wall in the early sixties, an unknown graffitiest writes, "Bernie Schrwartz is God" in 1984.

Final thought on Zizou

Sorry, I read a lot of sports pages, so I've been inundated with Zidane headbutt stories. Was it justified? Will it forever taint his legacy? Did the Italian call him a terrorist?

Can't we just agree that it was freakin hilarious?

Anthropomorphic voyage....

Jiggs and I were listening to the 'Ken P. D. Snydecast' (linked over on quickstopentertainment.com)...

and that exposed us to the hilarity that is this animation and 'erotica' artwork site focused on furries

For a sample, check out this series of sketches detailing an 'interesting' and HIGHLY NSFW tale of a Lion athlete being 'examined' by a fox doctor, or 'foxter' as they're known.

If you poke around the main site some more, you can find some much more disgusting, yet nicely rendered CG animations.

Cheers.

History of the day for July 11

On this day in 1900, Frederick Taylor begins the
"time-motion" studies for workplace efficiency. So
began the era of "Annoying Fucking Management Fads."

More on soccer

So the Cup finals were settled on penalty kicks, which is just about equivalent to playing rock paper scissors, except with a greater chance of getting shot upon return to your home country. Columnists are going nuts coming up with new overtime rules to prevent penalty kicks, including periodically removing players until teams are playing 6 on 6. I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon.

My proposed rules for overtime in World Cup games:

5th minute: Goalies must rub bacon grease all over their gloves and jerseys.
10th minute: Two balls put in play.
15th minute: All players must get subbed out for fresh legs. Let the B-squads settle it.
20th minute: Goalies each tie one hand behind their back.
25th minute: Each team must sub in one player chosen from the crowd.
30th minute: Dogs released on field to chase bacon-scented goalies around.

Someone's got to put a ball in during that time.

Oh, and the YouTube clip of Zidane laying out the Italian is here. 20 seconds of awesome.

World Cup

For those of you that didn't watch the final, the French captain with 10 minutes left in extra time headbutted an Italian player, knocking him to the ground. Got red carded and thrown out of the game, Italy wins on PKs.

They moved the image. It's here now. YouTube has it here.

Miss Kendra is so rad!!!

Miss Kendra is awesome. Awesome. AWESOME. AWESOME!!!

I got a package in the mail!


What could be inside? Why it's a whole nother box, this one with snowflakes!


And inside that box: a note from Miss Kendra and a new friend!


In case you can't read the note, it says:

JIGGS CASEY!
i made you a kitten
i trust you can make the sandwich
*heart* miss Kendra

I don't know how she did it, but Miss Kendra made a kitten for me! Look at me and my new friend!

I know I sound like all giggly like a schoolgirl, but to be honest, that's what happens when I get an awesome gift in the mail. What should I name my kitten?

History of the day for July 10

On this day in 1999, Al Gore invents time travel.

Yesterday was a good day

Woke up and went with the housemates to get pizza and ate it in the park. Then we went to go see strangers with candy and that was hilarious. And later i went into the city to see a show which rocked. While there, i drank a high life, champagne of beers.

If only everyday could be like that.

History of the day for July 9

In 1998, Al Gore invents JiggsCasey.com.

I got a gift in the mail!

From a blog pal!

I'm gonna do a big post about it later

But I was too excited to not at least post this now.

History of the day for July 8

On this day in 1948, Al Gore invents the Internet.

My sexy mullet and other musings

As you know, I cut my own hair. Well last time I was cutting it, I decided to leave the back long, but trim the top and sides. In other words, to initiate a mullet sequence. Today I reaped the sexy rewards as a attractive female cashier attempted to flirt with me. Or at least I think she was. I'm so bad at interacting with women that I can never tell.

Just a few random notes: yesterday's picture was fashioned from this pic of waterskiers. Notice that their right legs aren't really in the original pic. I had to reconstruct them from the left legs. That's why they have two left feet. Creepy, eh? Not to mention my head on their bodies.

History of the day for July 7

In 112 BC, recognizing at last that "poverty is the mother of crime,"
poverty is banned.

Do you ever wonder...

What it would be like to lead a ragtag burlesque clone army? Oh the adventures and mishaps galore as me and burlesque clone army travel the universe at light speed hunting down Tiny Sajak in his interstellar fortune cookie.

And no, I didn't take my medicine today.

History of the day for July 6

In 9760 BC, stealing is banned.

In 9759 BC, recognizing that some people were not obeying the "No Stealing Ordinance," the "lock" is invented.

In 9758 BC, recognizing that some people were not deterred by locks, the "brutal punishment" is invented.

The more things change, the more they suck

Watched the Boston Pops for the Fourth of July. Previous years highlights' included Cyndi Lauper obscenely grinding against the conductor, so my hopes were high.

Sadly, the musical guests were Steven Tyler and Joe Perry. The vocal range... not there anymore. Still looks like his face is made of silly putty, still has a bunch of shit on the microphone stand, sounds like ass. His built-in excuse was that he recently had throat surgery, but still. Wayne Newton sounded better when we went to see him a few years ago, and Wayne is 107 years old. Of course, he's also a consummate entertainer.

I had so much meat in my mouth

I just filled my mouth with flesh. All I could possibly cram in there.

I hung out with the parents on the 4th. My father made pulled pork. It was so tasty. And a bit salty, but pork is supposed to be salty.

I like the savory flavor in my mouth.

History of the day for July 5

In 1976, George Lucas conceived the costume for the evil Darth Vader,
whose attire is reminiscent of a massive helmeted black phallus, during a
brief stint in prison when he was the cellmate of a man named Tiny.

History of the day for July 4

In 2019, the day after the discovery of a mint condition collection of
dead sea scrolls, the quick discoveries of the dead sea phone book, the
dead sea TV guide, and the dead sea map to the stars.

I'm sleepy or Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

I slept the whole weekend away. Also I bought a copy of the Jerk special edition.

I'm picking out a Thermos for you. Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in.

History of the day for July 3

In 2019, during a dig in Palestine, a complete set of Dead Sea Scrolls is found in a dusty old shoebox in the back of one Nased Harouf's garage. Nased had collected the scrolls into his twenties but had completely forgotten about them after his mother told him to, "Move out of my basement, you freak!"

History of the day for July 2

In 1957 in another attempt by the CIA to engineer a drug to hook the urban
poor on (this time they were trying for a halucenogen since the two previous government desgined drugs were depressants), Jack Johanssen
invented liquid paper.

The Space Shuttle launches today!

This excites me because I'm nerd like that. I went to Space Camp twice when I was a kid, and I'm seroiusly considering going back for adult camp.

Anyway, I'm going to NASA Ames today to watch the launch. If you don't happen to live near a NASA facility, you can watch the live coverage here.

Enjoy!

History of the day for July 1

In 1933 the Three Stooges begin their film career with the comedy Plane Nuts. They never gain widespread acceptance from the critics, despite making over 200 movies in about thirty years. This is primarily due to the lack of anything remotely funny in their films.