Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Deconstructing Rudolph: An Indictment of Reindeer Culture

During the holiday season, it is common to hear children sing the story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the reindeer born with a minor birth "defect" that would have most certainly died alone as an outcast if not for a freak weather occurrence. Deconstructing the story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer shows just how deeply flawed reindeer society is, and raises the obvious question about whether children should even be allowed to sing such fascist tripe.
Rudolph: Freak of nature

Rudolph was born with a red nose. In the eyes of the shallow and image conscious reindeer society, such a difference from the norm was intolerable. Because of Rudolph's "defect", he was treated as an outcast, unable to play in any reindeer games such as monopoly, boggle, or seven minutes in heaven.

Reindeer games are no fun when you're different.

Unable to enjoy life, we can assume that Rudolph was understandably on the verge of suicide. If not for an especially foggy night in which Rudolph's "defect" actually came in handy, he most certainly would have jumped off a bridge.

Many naive readers at this point suggest that the story has a happy ending since the reindeer realize their error in abusing Rudolph. However, all the ending shows is that reindeer society does not afford intrinsic value to life. Should a reindeer stray towards the tails of the bell curve, he shall be punished because he has no inherent value unless he can somehow provide a service. In short, value is tied to performance.

Consider the disastrous situation of a male reindeer born without antlers. Such a "freak of nature" would gain no special abilities and thus would be relegated to the fringe of reindeer society. If I was such a reindeer, I would certainly rush towards the first hunter I saw and end it all. Is that a lesson we want to teach our children? Well, is it?



slappy said...

I disagree completely.

It's red commie pinko tripe.

Monkey said...

I think it's called Darwinism. A reindeer with a bright red nose is like a "welcome to dinner" sign for hunters.

Brookelina said...

Reindeer are so shallow. I love that about them.rxn

miss kendra said...

reindeer ARE shallow.

and gamey.

The Husband said...


this might be your best post ever. i found it very entertaining and insightful. i'm nominating it for the 2006 Post of the Year Award.

Anonymous said...

I love venison.

jamwall said...

i shot what looked like a deer wearing camaflauge, he appears to have been making coffee and smoking a cigarette.

he went "ugh" when i shot him. do deer usually make that sound?

jiggs said...

slappy: if they were indeed commies, it seems like they would prefer a red nose.

monkey: I didn't realize you were a social darwinist, monkey. Interesting. That's not a common social stance for monkeys.

brookie: Your sarcasm is so thick, I could cut it with a knife.

miss kendra: all wild meat is gamey. and sometimes, it is filled with buckshot.

carl: thx. It's great just to be nominated for a contest that I never heard of.

tits: it's true. you do. cheers.

jamwall: jamwall! you didn't shoot a dear! you shot the chupacabra!

Ɯbermilf said...

My father called that show "right-wing capitalist propaganda" when I was little.

Consider: red = communism

Snowman, voiced by fascist Burl Ives, singing "Silver and Gold"; Yukon seeking same

Donder telling Clarice and the mom (do we even get to know her name?): "No, this is men's work."

Hermie ("dentist" = "gay")

Finally, Yukon saying, "I reformed this Bumble. He wants a JOB!"

Friends of McDougal said...

Fact: in the original live-action version of Rudolph, the Bumble was portrayed by McDougal. At the last minute, the studio decided to reshoot the whole thing with puppets. Bitter from being snubbed in this manner, McDougal has refused to star in any more Hollywood productions, despite many offers.

The live action version starring McDougal appeared briefly on YouTube last Chrismas, but was taken down after only 47 people had viewed it by The Department of Homeland Security. All 47 of those people have since mysteriously disappeard.

Nick said...

I can't be expected to read or care about any of this.

jiggs said...

uebermilf: your father sounds like a smart man.

mcd: No. that never happened on youtube. and I never saw it. and I am not in the witness protection program because of it. p.s. mcdougal is a hairy hairy man.

nick: I can't be expected to care about your face.

Nick said...

oh snap!