Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I used 39 pennies to buy a stamp

The post office has this vending machine that takes pennies. I get immense satisfaction putting them in, one at a time. It drew a small audience. I was also naked at the time.

I am sick. And though I drank a lot of tea and my voice sounds somewhat better now, I still sound more like a robot than a person. Check out the sound of my voice.

John Kerry! Do you see what happens when an unfunny person such as yourself tries to tell a joke? You fuck it up real bad. Kerry wanted to tell this (extremely lame) joke to some California students:
"Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush."
But if you're not funny, like John Kerry, you end up saying:
"Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You get stuck in Iraq.
How does someone fuck up a jab at President Fuck-Up?

18 comments:

The Husband said...

kerry is an asshole. i'm glad he is a democrat. same goes for that douche bag howard dean. i'm so glad they picked a moron to be in charge of their party.

slappy said...

How I miss Berkeley and its clothing-optional post offices.

2004 was the most depressing election choice since Ford v. Carter.

2006 should at least flip the House and lead Washington into gridlock. If nothing can get passed, the politicians can't fuck anything up too bad.

Ɯbermilf said...

Blub blub blub

Glub

HELP!

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Not really funny either way.

slappy said...

Bush = dumb jokes are played out.

Nick said...

Howard Dean is awesome.

amera hearts said...

I dislike John Kerry. He always messes up a talk one way or another. I've seen him go on and on in person twice and it's not fun.

Sorry your voice isn't up to par. If it's any consolation, I can send you some really good apple cider!

miss kendra said...

i hate politics.

scumbag said...

he shoulda made the punchline, "you end up sucking dick for coke. just ask me!"

i'm just assuming kerry sucks dick for coke that is.

slappy said...

Jiggs tells a good Bush joke. It goes like this:

George Bush, huh? What a douchebag!

He also tells a John Kerry joke:

John Kerry, huh? What a douchebag!

That's how most of Jiggs's political jokes go. I think it's funny thanks to the mullet.

slappy said...

Amera: You've seen John Kerry twice? You should get a Purple Heart.

Lee Ann said...

I would have watched you put pennies in the machine while being naked!
Hope you feel better jiggsy!

Brookelina said...

I figured if you don't study you end up naked in a post office buying stamps with pennies.

Friends of McDougal said...

I think Kerry said exactly what he meant to say: "The stupid kids are dying in Iraq right now." That's rude as hell, but I think his lame backpedalling is pretty reprehensible too. On the other hand, the way the Republicans are slobbering all over themselves, clawing and scratching, scrambling to paint the whole Democratic party as elitist pricks like Kerry is just as shameless.

McDougal is starting to look pretty good, huh? Am I right people??

jiggs said...

carl: politics sucks my balls

slappy: I heart gridlock

uebermilf: don't drown. enjoy some oxygenated cupcakes for me.

pixie: true, it's not funny either way. But it's much more insulting to those in the military the second way and he's in deep shit over it.

slappy: bush = dumb jokes are like jokes about pms.

nick: your face is awesome!

amera: cider! I haven't even met her!

miss kendra: i hear ya

scumbag: that's probably a safe assumption

slappy: my political jokes are only funny on the meta-level

lee ann: thx for the health wishes!

brookelina: my problem is that I have studied a little too much.

mcd: as a politician, the one skill you need to have is the ability to stifle your elitist inner monologue. regardless, mcdougal has my vote... that is, if I vote.

Spinning Girl said...

ouch.


nothing specific, just ouch.

Tits McGee said...

Kerry is a douche, sure, but FOM is right - the scrambling on the right to exploit this in their favor is equally douche-y.

And I'm not entirely sure how fucking up a lame joke about the president (or about the troops, for that matter) is more offensive than sending thousands of soldiers to their deaths in an inexcusably poorly planned war in Iraq that has only bred more terrorists and made Americans less safe at home and abroad.

I'm just saying.

Tits McGee said...

Oh, and I want to see pictures of you naked at the post office, please.