Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I don’t like to talk to people in the bathroom

Have you ever been in one of those bathrooms that has an attendant? I think this happens a lot more in men’s rooms for some reason, but it annoys the crap out of me. I was in a bathroom with an attendant the other day, and he was creeping me out. First, he watched me pee. Then as I walked up to the sink, he refused to let me touch the sink. He turned the water on and then squirted soap in my hands.

Let me go over that one in more detail. Using a water squirt bottle, he squeezed the trigger, which ejected a warm, thick, white liquid onto my hands. I don’t know why it was warm. After I was done, he got a towel and started wiping my hands. Then I had a problem. See, he has this little bowl there with dollar bills in it, presumably his tips. I don’t like being forced to tip, nor do appreciate the service he offers. So what was I to do? If I didn’t leave a tip, he might prevent me from using the bathroom again, because I would piss off the bathroom troll (pun intended). However, I took the chance, and walked out, no tip. What would you have done?


TastyMcJ said...

I would have punched him in the face, grabbed his bowl of money, and ran like hell.

TastyMcJ said...

In reality though, the only time I've had to deal with bathroom attendants was at a strip club.

If I'm not so drunk that I can't take a leak without pissing on my hands, I'm fine with just ignoring the attendant, the sink, and the whole hygeine thing all together.

jamwall said...

didn't the bathroom attendant have cologne and shit like that laying around for those dudes who feel that they need to bathe in somekind of scent?

if so, i would have assumed that the tip jar was for trying out cologne.

...then i'd punch him in the face and steal his tip jar...

Friends of McDougal said...

It annoys the crap out of you.

At least you're already in the lou.

Maybe you should go talk to this chap.

Bloody well then.

(I apologize for all that b.s English talk. McDougal has declared today "Her Majesty's Finest Hour" and is forcing us all to talk with British accents.)

Lilly said...

Clearly this must be an American thing! I've travelled a lot in Europe and the only bathroom attendents I've come across have sat outside the actual bathroom, so that you had to pay them to get in [in many public toilets these have now been replaced by a machine where you slot the coin in and you can push your way through as the metal bar moves] -- they'd sometimes be in the actual bathroom too swiping the floor or doing other types of cleaning. Never watching over you or squirting white warm thick liquid into your hands. That guy must have been gay ;-P

Lilly said...

Bloody hell

slappy said...

Actually, FoM was referring to having sex with Captain Lou Albano from the old wrestling days.

scumbag said...

jiggs, has that mcdougal fucker been hounding you for an imaginary $30 too? i know drug habits are hard to kick, but is begging for money on someone else's blog say anything about dignity?

The Husband said...

i like tasty's idea.

this actually reminds me of a funny story back when i used to abuse drugs and alcohol. it was new years. we were drinking and doing drugs...for like 3 days in a row. anyway, after new years passed my girlfriend and i went to NYC to do some sight seeing etc. we stop at the Waldorf Astoria to look around. while she's in the gift shop i run into the bathroom to take a piss. of course, there is the bathroom attendant guy doing his job. normally i would have told him to go fuck himself and left. however, it was right after xmas and i'm still in the holiday mood. so i pull out my wallet and i have a bunch of $20's and 1 $1 bill. no problem except the $1 bill was rolled up and had a little blood on it. (for those confused think of Scarface or McDougal). i say fuck it and give him the dollar and walk away. i took a quick glance before walking out the door and i think i saw him throw it away.

Friends of McDougal said...

Lou/Loo. You got me on that one.

But I meant bloody well and not bloody hell ... as in Supertramp.

And re: $30.

McDougal keeps a ledger. About every three or four years he cleans it up and collects debts owed.

It's that time again.

I don't think he's looking for anything that's not rightfully his.

McDougal deals in $30 increments b/c he uses a base three number system. (So to him, $30 is actually like one dollar ... or maybe nothing or maybe 1010 (binary)? $27? Is base three even possible? McDougal doesn't really get math.)

Tasty, how the hell much money am I trying to collect here?

Friends of McDougal said...

It's got to be $1,010, right?

Goddamn McDougal and his complex math.

Shit, here he comes.

scumbag said...

he ain't gettin' shit from me.

miss kendra said...

i don't like bathroom attendants, and i don't think i should have to pay someone to do something i'd much rather do myself. i usually say "no thankyou."

they can't force themselves on you.

that's toilet rape.

amera hearts said...

it creeps me out that there are people who work in a bathroom. i wouldn't go anywhere near those creeps. if they tried to give me their services, i would have said back off buddy, i'm can wash my own hands!

miss kendra makes me laugh!

Friends of McDougal said...


I would like to wash your hands, please.


Booty J Patrol said...

Tasty: He was a large menacing looking man, and it was a dance club with a bouncer. I'm pretty sure I would not have made it to the door with the money. I also could not ignore him because he blocked my way, forcing me to use his services.

Jamwall: I honestly don't know if he had cologne and shit -- I was to disturbed by the spray bottle of soap to look.

FOM: Chip chip cheerio.

Lilly: Perhaps it is only a US thing. I only got my passport a month ago, so I've never left the United States before (unless you count Mexico, but I was within 1 mile of the US the whole time, so I don't think that counts).

Slappy: What?

Scumbag: Begging on someone else's blog == loss of dignity.

Carl: I love your style. Passing a bloody bill to anyone is the height of class. :)

FOM: Decimal 30 = 100 in a base 3 system.

Scumbag: Fight the power!

Miss K: I was toilet raped. I admit it. Thank you for helping come to terms with that.

Amera: Yes, it creeps me out too.

FOM: Uh, yeah.

Tumbleweed said...

I think I would spit.

Wait, that answer doesn't fit the question.....shit.

Booty J Patrol said...

Yeah, that answer fits the question. Although clarification on the target of the spit would make it fit better. ;)

Tits McGee said...

I would have crouched in the corner and peed on the floor.