Monday, July 10, 2006

More on soccer

So the Cup finals were settled on penalty kicks, which is just about equivalent to playing rock paper scissors, except with a greater chance of getting shot upon return to your home country. Columnists are going nuts coming up with new overtime rules to prevent penalty kicks, including periodically removing players until teams are playing 6 on 6. I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon.

My proposed rules for overtime in World Cup games:

5th minute: Goalies must rub bacon grease all over their gloves and jerseys.
10th minute: Two balls put in play.
15th minute: All players must get subbed out for fresh legs. Let the B-squads settle it.
20th minute: Goalies each tie one hand behind their back.
25th minute: Each team must sub in one player chosen from the crowd.
30th minute: Dogs released on field to chase bacon-scented goalies around.

Someone's got to put a ball in during that time.

Oh, and the YouTube clip of Zidane laying out the Italian is here. 20 seconds of awesome.


Nick said...

fuck overtime, they should play the whole game like that. They'd have endorsements from hell to breakfast.

scumbag said...

soccer is for girls and foreigners. hence the reason the u.s. sucks at it.

Lilly said...

No no -- scumbag: 'soccer' is for non-Americans but not necessarily girls -- I'd say it's mainly a male's game. I am of this belief because it's always a treat for a person of the female sex to watch those gorgeous legs that the male players have :-D

jamwall said...

i was expecting the guy who scored the winning goal to rip off his jersey to reveal a sports bra.

that would have been hot.

jamwall said...

too many players named "renaldo"

The Husband said...

what a game. i'm glad Italy won becuase i can't stand those French bastards. Zandane is a deush bag. he looks like the devil...or keyser sose from The Usual Suspects.

slappy said...

You do have to give it up for France diving against Italy, who invented the dive.

I didn't realize, but Zidane does look like Kobayashi from Usual Suspects.

Yeah, how can there be two Ronaldos? And then a Ronaldinho? Fucking lazy bastards.

The Husband said...

how about this lucky fan gets to fuck a player of his/her front of the entire stadium. now that would be exciting!

slappy said...

Actually, the MLS already patented that idea. They're getting a little desperate.