Saturday, May 27, 2006

Just got back from South Carolina

My girlfriend's cousin was getting married. I've been to weddings in Boston and Pennsylvania, but this was the first wedding I saw where some women actually ran towards the bouquet to catch it instead of standing in place and leaning slightly away from it.

The girl who was dancing in the corner with the three-year-old ringbearer while all of this was going on? My girlfriend. Awesome. After the ceremony she patented this new bouquet-dodging trick, so if anyone uses it, you owe her $1.20.

The guys stood five feet further back than a garter is physically capable of flying, with one designated fielder in front of the pack to catch it. That is universal. Me, I was standing behind the tall guy as usual.

It's also freakin hot in the south. Southerners among the jiggsblog-o-sphere, I ask you: How the crap can you stand it? It was 95 degrees and 500% humidity. Humans can't live in those conditions.


Lee Ann said...

it was 90 degrees here today......uyuck! and very humid.
sorry....can't type too wmuch wine. but it is tooooo hot here for spring.
some weddings are fun. some are not.
glad you are home!

miss kendra said...

you have a girlfriend?

apparently marriage means nothing these days.


slappy said...

Okay, Kendra... two things:

1. I did mention her in the food court at Irish McDrinky's, but you were probably distracted by talk of Jiggs's small penis.

2. Just because you slip me some roofies and dress me up in a tux doesn't mean we got married. Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I had to tell a girl that...

slappy said...

To clarify, you are married to Jiggs. Tasty is an ordained minister.

jiggs said...

it's true kendra, we're married.

Ɯbermilf said...

In Chicago, they hardly ever do the bouquet/garter toss thing anymore.

Although in 1997, I was too drunk to avoid the bouquet and it landed in my lap while I was distracted by shiny lights or something.

Dilf and I were married in 1998.

While it's worked out well for me, I don't recommend leaving such an important lifetime decision to chance like that.

The Husband said...

dude, i'm right there with you on the garder thing. the wedding i went to a few weeks ago...the garder happened to land in front of me. i think my asshole friend (the groom) did it on purpose. after about 30 or so seconds passed i felt obligated to pick it up. normally i would avoid that thing like cancer. but wait...there is more. the girl who caught the friends 12 year old cousin. what the fuck is a 12 year old doing out there?!?!? i thought only horny single girls would be allowed. anyway, the show must go on so rather than sliding the garder up her leg and face sexual assualt charges on a minor not to mention a serious beating from her mafia like family...i just put it around her ankle.

as for your comment on the weather...the humidity in the south is downright nasty. NASTY i tell you. as soon as you walk out of your house it hits you like a freight train.

who is this girlfriend of yours? when did this happen? does she know about the jiggsblog? is she a visitor that we dont' know about?

ps, i've got a little speed ball action going on...dayquill and throat stuff for my tonsils...and i'm on my 4th corona with plenty more to go!!!

slappy said...

Carl, I witnessed a similar event: 14-year-old bridesmaid caught the bouquet. Luckily her older brother was best man, and he took the point position. He was rewarded for his unselfishness when the bouquet was passed to the maid of honor so he could put the garter on without sinning against ape and man.

The girlfriend is an occassional reader but doesn't comment. She finds you all very pleasant, though.

miss kendra said...

well as long as i'm married to someone.

slappy said...

Yes, and you two can start having nice-boobed children together. Millions of them.

jiggs said...

my dream come true!