Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Cagney and Lacey

I recently had the best idea of my life: I'm going to remake Cagney and Lacey with me playing Cagney and Brooke playing Lacey. It was an amazing show that focussed on issues vital to women. Thus, our remake will be lesbian porn in the style of "where the boys aren't".

Obviously, I'm not a very masculine dude and I've always thought of myself as a lesbian trapped in a man's body, so I figure I can pass for a butch lesbian. And obviously Brooke would be a hot lipstick lesbian.

Further, we can make this an ensemble piece, so there will be roles for everyone. Check it:

Tasty: Lt Bert Samuels
Monkey: Det. Mark Petrie
Miss Kendra: Det. Marcia Petrie
Grand Poo of Awesome: Det. Paula La Guardia
Calzone: Det. Al Corassa (aka guy with massive penis)
Lee Ann: Verna Dee Jordan
Nick: Harvey Lacey (Lacey's ex husband)
Spinner: Deputy Inspector Marquette
Uebermilf: Desk Sergeant Rhonda Coleman
Tumbleweed: Josie
McDougal: McDougal (cameo)
Jamwall: cable guy
Carl: plumber

I think the full title should be: Cagney and Lacey: The case of the missing jellydong.


Brookelina said...

I have always wanted to be a lipstick lesbian. My dreams are finally fulfilled. I'm so excited I could squirt!

Nick said...

I am grateful you thought to include me.

slappy said...

Jiggs will be playing a female role in the porno... I guess that's a launchpad into his ultimate one-man porn show idea.

Lee Ann said...

You have to explain my character. Who is Verna Dee Jordan and what is she like! Oh boy, I can't wait...

Lee Ann said...

......a singer, interesting!

miss kendra said...

i'm married to monkey?

this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Ɯbermilf said...

It appears my character has undergone a sex change.

Monkey said...

I'm flattered. Not only do I get to snuggle Miss Kendra's Armpit at night, but I am a handsome devil as well! Who knew my hoo-hah had so much versatility?

Tumbleweed said...

Yea for me! I do get to be in on some of the lesbian scenes right??

Lee Ann said...

Oh, this is going to be fun... ;0

jiggs said...

brooke: your dreams are my dreams, baby

nick: would it really be a giant lesbian orgy without you? No.

slappy: A one man porno version of julius caesar. The tricky part will be finding a way to stab myself in the back... if you catch my drift.

lee ann:yes. we'll have to record your vocals separately and then mix them into the porno.

miss k: congratulations. The two of you make a great couple.

uebermilf: I had to exercise some artistic freedom since very few of the original characters were women.

monkey: you have the hoohah for the ages.

tumbleweed: of course. There would be no point in this exercise if not for the fact that there are lesbian scenes for all.

jiggs said...

everybody loves lesbians

jamwall said...

i'm the cable guy with the giant afro and tight pants that fucks both cagney and lacy in a hot 3-way.

get it right boy!

GrandPooOfAwesome said...

I hate to ruin the mystery, but I have the jellydong.

GrandPooOfAwesome said...

Sorry about that. I'll return it soon.

jiggs said...

jamwall: i will write that into the script

poof: you just came up with the ending for the movie!

Spinning Girl said...

Holy Crap, How did I miss this post?!?! I must've been on walkabout.