Monday, January 02, 2006

Jiggsblog Year in Review

I'm starting the year in review with the very first post made to the blog. I think you'll agree that it showed tremendous promise:

5/19: The very first jiggsblog post:
Trader Joe's beer is nasty.
Tasty thinks Trader Joe's beer tastes like bananas and liquid smoke. I think it tastes like someone taking a dump in my mouth.
6/2: Sty watch is in full force. When I masturbate, I masturbate furiously!

6/7: My review of Revenge of the Sith and the publication of a jiggsblog-inspired article about The Brotherhood of the Traveling Cockring.

6/21: My favorite news item of the year: Alaska homeless shelter called "The Glory Hole".

6/22: Freddy was our first nonlocal commenter. Who would have thought that someone so high would be able to use a computer so successfully?

6/28: Murphy's Law is the first post with a comment made by woman. I was under the impression that I was being punk'd.

7/23: Booty breaks out the protesting shoes for the internet porn tax.

7/26: AP makes her presence felt. At this point in jiggsblog history, getting a single comment was a huge step. The next dedicated hot babe commenter (Lee Ann) begins commenting a month later.

8/15: Slappy's toe had a blister that looked like West Germany.

8/31: The best dumb joke I ever thought of. Other dumb ideas: Meatloaf's lyricism, Melissa Joan Hart being with child, French Militants, and Dutch hookers.

9/9: I stole mcdougal's cadillac. Monkey also claims that this was the first jiggsblog post he ever read.

9/15: A newsish blog quotes slappy's description of video game tata. It was the second such time a post from jiggsblog was picked up by a news blog.

9/18: Tasty gets fucking shitfaced.

9/26: YOUR FACE!!!

9/29: Coops informs us that jiggsblog is not safe for work! Additionally, that day was my only foray into half nekkid Thursday.

10/04: After some rough sailing on AP's blog, AP enjoys a blogging sabbatical at jiggsblog.

10/06: I translate Wu Tang clan lyrics into Chinese. For some reason, this interests people at a Wu Tang clan fan site.

10/10: I was in New York city and spent some time with Slappy at the MOMA.

10/17: Booty returns for exile. Slappy's prehensile toes are on display.

10/23: Slappy covers the Ken Doll and writes a joke far superior to the one Jay Leno did a month afterwards.

10/29: Tasty busts out one of his many genius level insights about tiny furry people. Other genius level insights: Tasty scared shitless, Tasty on Joey Greco, Tasty on breakfast, Tasty on buffalo, Tasty on otter pops, Tasty on the dyson vacuum guy, Tasty on Molly McButtsex.

11/07: I realize that Europeans are coming to the blog for information about the television show Mythbusters. Our regular discussion of mythbusters leads Uebermilf to conclude that I am Adam and Tasty is Jaime.

11/09: Slappy discovers communard.

11/11: I become mud brothers with monkey. This being the consecration of a relationship that spanned a gravitas off and mutual impressions.

11/14: Booty almost dies.

11/17: Time Dentists go back in time. Time Dentists fight dental crime! And they even have a theme song!

11/26: After an immensely successful attack that sent Casual Friday into a tailspin, we officially formed the Blog Affiliates of Justice. FEEL OUR HORN!

11/27: For a while before this post I had been flirting with Spinning Girl. But Modern English truly summed up my obsession.

11/28: My penis made its first official appearance on the blog.

11/30: The best blogging day of my life! The second BAoJ attack occurred. While anonymous commenters attempted to mar the event, their presence gave me immense satisfaction. I felt drunk with power!

12/05: The beginning of December, I documented the general malaise within the blogosphere.

12/09: After many attempts at blog flirting, I finally gave up on it. Somebody put a sack over my head and beat me with a hose!

12/18: In addressing the issue of intellectual snobbery, I confirmed that we really do think everyone else is dumber than us. Indeed, our dick jokes are genius level.

As the year closes, many wonder how we could top the genius of the past year. But my recent post describing my giant shit should put all concerns about the future quality of jiggsblog to rest.

Happy New Year, douchebags!


Brookelina said...

I'm feeling so sad that I only just discovered you. I missed out on so much. But at least I have you now! Yaaaayyyyyy!!!!

Übermilf said...

We've only just begun...
With Jiggs
Mythbusters and poop and all
We've only just begun

That's a song by the Carpenters, in case you're too young to remember.

There are three v's in my word verification, which I assume stand for Va Va Vavoom!

Spinning Girl said...

Your blog ROCKS!!!!!
Happy happy happy new year.

p.s. You were flirting? I must have missed that. I just thought we were having a mutual autoerotic e-experience. Sorry I was so clueless.

Lee Ann said...

Wow Jiggs, so cool, very cool! That was fun... Happy New Year!
thank you!

Nick said...

This blog sucks.

Also, what's the status of the BAoJ? Are we disbanded?

jamwall said...

happy 2006. many good bowel movements to come!

jiggs said...


uebermilf: SONIC VAVAVAVOOM!!!

Why do birds suddenly appear everytime Uebermilf is near? Just like me, they long to be, close to milf.

spinning girl: Your blog rocks too, spinerina.

autoerotic e-experience... I need to go have some private time.

lee ann: happy new year!

nick: I heart you too Nick.

with respect to the BAoJ, weren't we taking a break until after the new year so that we could build up the positivity in our little chunk of the blogosphere?

jamwall: I hope your wishes come true!

Brookelina said...

Merry New Year Jiggs!

jamwall said...

Change me

jiggs said...

brooke: merry new year!

jamwall: I don't have any baby wipes.

jamwall said...

i don't need baby wipes, i've got lou reed.

Zombie Lou said...

Lou Reed will do anything for drugs.

Übermilf said...

Does Lou Reed ever change his t-shirt?

miss kendra said...

i just wanted to let you know i can smell you from here.

jiggs said...

jamwall: I don't need baby wipes I've got lou reed is a song lyric if I've ever heard one.

lou reed: How exactly does jamwall use you instead of baby wipes? Is there any tongue involved?

uebermilf: Are you asking whether lou reed would wear a color other than black or whether lou reed sweats and thus needs to change shirts as a result?

miss k: Is that question directed at me or at Lou Reed? What I just wrote my also be a good song lyric. Also if the question is directed at me, let me say the following:

I didn't know people could smell masculine virility so far away.

Charles (Jiggs' Member) said...

Happy New Year to everyone!

Tumbleweed said...

Hey Charles, have you worn Brenda out yet?

Tumbleweed said...

Love the review! I laughed loudly!!

Spinning Girl said...

Just stopped by to tell you that I had an autoerotic experience, thinking of Charles and Batman.

jiggs said...

tumbleweed: Charles has been complaining about all the contact that he gets from Brenda. He's feeling harassed. So I have to regulate it so that there is contact at most twice a day.

Also, we heart your laughing.

spininininingirl: I think we would all like to hear the details. Regardless, I'm going to go have some private time.

Fred said...

wow, dudeses. i forgot i was the first poster or whatever. does that give me special privelleges or parking space? in yo mommas ass!