Monday, December 05, 2005

I'd like a bacon double cheeseburger, hold the malaise

Perhaps our little chunk of the "blogosphere" needs some counseling. So many of us appear to be simultaneously dissatisfied with their blogging experiences either because they are just too busy to participate in the manner that they would like or because of some general feeling of malaise. Consider:

-mcdougal is following his dream of producing his own independent film. Thus he doesn't have the time to intellectually masturbate via the blogosphere.

-AP is so busy with her classwork that she doesn't have enough time to gossip with us and delight us with pictures of her own hotness and the hotness of her hot friends.

-Fre' is so high all the time that he can't remember to eat lunch, much less blog.

-Monkey's Human has the vitally important (and exhausting) responsibility/joy of taking care of her son. Blogging is basically a steaming turd in comparison to that.

-Calzone is feeling some feeling akin to dragon remorse for his actions during the most recent BAoJ visit.

-Pants and I have a fractured blogging relationship. And while I'm sorry for any distress I might have caused, I doubt that relationship will ever recover.

-Uebermilf, my dear German friend, recently became distressed over some of the pettiness exhibited by myself and some of the other people in our community.

-Spinning Girl, one of my most sexy blog friends, took a brief blogging hiatus for reasons unknown to me. I can only hope her time off was spent collecting naked pictures of herself to send to me.

-Even jiggsblog itself is in partial disarray. Booty is having trouble at work; Slappy is hounded by dissertation responsibilities and I know that I am questioning the very motivation for this blog. Unfortunately, my own narcisism is no longer entertaining enough for me to enjoy. I'm frequently finding myself desiring to cause conflict and strife in the community merely because of boredom.

Things aren't all bad, however. Lee Ann and Carl are the rocks of our blogger community. With Lee Ann building up my self-esteem and Carl constantly enduring sexual mishaps, I'm fairly certain that I will be able to maintain my relationships within our blogger community.

And I've also been lazy with the jiggsblog friends list. Here are some of the newly listed friends:

Nick should have been added a long time ago. I blame myself. Also I blame Tasty.

Brooke is an absurdly hot babe that enjoys engaging my penis in conversation! I have a painful urge to refer to her as "Brookie".

Every time Jamwall comments on the blog, I poop a little bit.

Larin aside from being a real sass machine is just another absurdly hot woman that makes her presence felt around here.

This of course begs the question: Every single woman that comments on jiggsblog is a hot hot hot piece of ass (pardon my French)! Why is that? It's not like we're attractive dudes. In fact, all I have to offer is a tiny little penis.


Friends of McDougal said...

Dude, you've nailed it. I've had to outsource most of my recent blogging to the fucking Malaysians.


Can you believe it?

Lee Ann said...

Aw, Jiggs, you are sweet!
But, you did forget to mention that other "thing" that you have to offer! ;)
That is funny, "Brookie" is a term that I have been called my whole refers to the school I went to (Mt.Brook).
I am proud to be mentioned in the same sentence as Carl.

allison said...

i'm so over this whole "higher education" thing. good thing i'm done on the 14th.

i plan on blogging full time when i'm finished.

love ya jiggsy


Brookelina said...

I am honored to be not only a part of your blog list but also to be referred to as an absurdly hot babe. You may call me Brookie. So can your penis.

jamwall said...

i just made the entire east coast poop in their pants simultaneously.

slappy said...

Thanks, jamwall. Next time, warn us before you make an entire region self-poop. And I was wearing my nice pants.

I am definitely in the malaise. It's the combination of having to build a thesis out of lies held together with bullshit and the I-want-a-job-that's-not-ExxonMobil thing.

Once I defend my thesis and become unemployed, I'll be all over this blog.

Lee Ann said...

good luck allison and slappy

allison said...

thanks lee ann ;-)

slappy said...

Thanks - I'm lucky though. My advisor is sick of me, so he wants me to defend as soon as possible. :)

Fred said...

i hope you guys don't actually think i'm high all the time. i get drunk too.

jiggs said...

mcd: Malaysians? Why not Indian people? Could you not afford them?

lee ann: There you go again, boosting my ego and reminding me that yes, I do have a gifted tongue and can satisfy a woman in a nontraditionial, yet highly erotic way.

Also two brookies? That's confusing!

AP: Blogging full time? Sweet. Luv ya too AP

brookie: Score! When I tell my penis the good news, it's going to freak!

jamwall: no one has the power to make people poop like you.

slappy: More like exxon-shithole. I'm so clever!

Fred: Are you ever drunk and stoned at the same time? Wait, is that a dumb question?

Charles (Jiggs' Member) said...

Jiggs just told me that Brooke said that we could both call her Brookie! I'm so freaking out right now! AWESOME!

Friends of McDougal said...

How do we know Brooke is hot?

Fred said...

you should only get drunk after you've been getting stoned. if you get drunk then stoned, your head will asplode. all over the carpet.

Nick said...

I love the word asplode. I love that Batman is the picture of jiggs' member. I love that I'm on the friends list. I love everything. Although, I took some X about an hour ago so that might be why.

Fred said...

is x e? just curious. i went to see the prodigy on saturday at brixton and i loved everyone and everything there.

i even bumped into keith flint after he climbed a pole and emerged on the second floor where i was talking to a friend about how much we love each other. i didnt beleive my eyes at first, then he slobbered everywhere and security escorted him back to stage. that was surreal.

Calzone said...

I want to clear something up..I am in no way remorseful for my actions. I loved that shit. I just don't like people fighting.

Fred said...

yeah, me and calzone are peace loving motherfuckers.

Monkey said...

I am with McDougal. I've had to outsource my blog to the Malaisians though. They specialize in malaise induced blogging.

I love Allison's response. I would like to say that come January I will be back on top of my blogging game. I'm already working on movies and whatnot to entertain my friends and family.

The thing that keeps me from blogging at the moment is GUILT, pure and simple. Maybe it's guilt by perfectionsism. But in a nutshell, since I am unable to blog in the way I like to blog (visiting blogs I love, answering all my comments....) I am not blogging at all. I have entries piling up, but I don't post because I know I won't have the time to answer my comments.

I love comments. I love my blogging buddies. I don't want feelings to be hurt, so I just don't blog.

I feel better for having unburdened myself here. Thank you Jiggs, my mud brother. You are a place of refuge in this time of difficulty.

Slappy! Did it snow down your way last night?

larin von smartass said...

im with alison on that "higher education sucks a whole lot" mindset. i have a 20 page paer due tommorrow, and i havent started yet, and im stuck at work, and my stress over the situation has completely paralyzed me


but thanks for the "shout out", that will surely lessen my fears...

is a college diploma really that important??

Lee Ann said...

good luck larin!

Fred said...

we must not forget to respect the cheese!

dudeses, you seem way to apologetic about your blogging habbits. i personally think its a little unhealthy to get too drawn into it. for me, i like to write whatever shit happens to pop into my head, be it influenced or an actual event.

now don't take this the wrong way, but i kinda use other blogs around here like a sort of "interactive joke service" if you get me. esp. jiggs, calzone, fom, monkey et al.

i don't want anyone to think i have low opinions of anyone here, not at all. i think everyone that posts here is cool, i just don't want to end up with my social life completely conducted through a keyboard and screen.

yikes, i almost sounded a bit sensible there.

Fred said...

in retrospect, what i just said was totally influenced by sobriety. i won't let it happen again fools.

larin von smartass said...

thanks lee ann, i need it

allison said...

man Larin....i feel you. i have a the same paper due on thursday and have to complete a take home final that consists of 3 essay questions on Chinese Literature on wednesday. (still need to read 2 400 page books)

Lex said...

I try to comment but it always seems like someone is walking by when I do. Also having to move my blog the other day due to stalkers, everything is fucked up.

Fucked right up

jiggs said...

mcd: Seriously, mcd, sometimes I wonder about you... how do we know brooke is hot? How could brooke possibly not be hot? She likes to engage my penis! SHE LIKES TO ENGAGE MY PENIS!!!

Fre': I think X and E are the same. But you're right about one thing, you're really weird when you're sober. It's scary shit actually.

When you say "interactive joke service", you're just looking for hahas? Cuz that's cool. I think we all try to provide the world with a few hahas.

Nick: are you so full of love that you're feeling the "horn" right now? Wait, why did I ask the question if I'm not prepared for the answer?

Monkey: This is a safe place. Feel free to unburden yourself here. Even your poo can be unburdened here.

Larin: Good luck, yo, but try to get an extension.

AP: Keep on rocking in the free world!

Lex/Ms SD: being stalked is another good reason to be in a malaise. Also I should mention the obvious: that you're another one of the hot babes that comments around here.

TastyMcJ said...

I had a lab report due this morning. We've had the lab for like, a month, but didn't get a firm due date until friday.

Saturday, I spent getting ready for a party, and then getting drunk.

I was here at work all day yesterday.

I was up until 1:30, then I got up at 4:30 to finish this stupid thing.

It was compounded by the fact that I make really, really dumb mistakes when I try to program stuff.

Stupid simulations.

At anyrate, in 48 minutes I will already have been here in the office for 8 hours.

I'm going to go home and make soup with the remains of my thanksgiving ham.


I feel it.

Lee Ann said...

Good luck Tasty
then get some rest ;)

The Husband said...

hey can always count on me.

Brookelina said...

FOM - Come on, look at me! No neck, no waist, no fingers or toes! A big giant head and sticks for arms and legs! I'm hot baby!

jiggs said...


Brooke: Your pic with the big head and no neck has me all hot and bothered.

Fred said...

nah its not just the "hahas" but the fact you guys make me laugh helps. "IJS" probably does you guys a big disservice, so i apologise. i just think its not a good idea to get to reliant on blogging. ok, i need a drink/joint. this is too much, i'm actually using my brain too much.

jiggs said...

don't sweat it, fre'.

Spinning Girl said...

I was lying in the basement with an icepack on my face. I'm better now.

jiggs said...

SG: An ice pack? Did you have a migraine?

Spinning Girl said...

Sometimes, I just need to lie in the basement with an ice pack on my face. Is that so wrong?!? Good to be back. :)

Charles (Jiggs' Member) said...

I like to lie around with an icepack on my head too. Jiggs doesn't care for it too much though.