Thursday, December 15, 2005

Hello again.

I've been sick. Not the bird flu, though, just the monkeypox. Today I saw an ad for the 70th anniversary Monopoly game.



I would like to take this moment to address the good people of Hasboro. Ahem.

Monopoly is a great game. You done real good. Now let it the fuck go. Seriously, do we really need a commemorative edition every other year? Ah, so the houses and hotels are slightly different shapes this year? Let it go. No more special editions. No more Star Wars, no more Boston, San Francisco, New York, or Paducah. No cat version, no dog version. Just the regular old Monopoly. This should free up some time for you to invent a new goddamn game.

Thank you.

19 comments:

Calzone said...

The Monkeypox...what kind of freak are you?

jiggs said...

Slappy! I thought you were dead.

I hope you don't infect monkey with the monkeypox.

jiggs said...

I should also add: Fuck you parker brothers!

slappy said...

Nope, just coughing a lot.

Strangely enough, this strain of monkeypox does not infect monkeys. Just chemical engineers, mimes, and circus elephants.

And Calzone... that's what kind of freak I am.

jiggs said...

Oh wait. It's hasbro that made monopoly... Well I'm not backing down. My hatred of parker brothers still stands!

jiggs said...

SLAPPY! are you saying you had a threesome with a mime and a circus elephant! AWESOME!

Tumbleweed said...

I totally agree with you. I bought the Harley Davidson Edition for my dumb ass ex and it got opened and then the pieces got lost and then I threw the fucking thing away. What a damn waste! I could have bought myself some sweet ass toy (that uses batteries and vibrates) with that money.

jiggs said...

Tumbleweed: It's good that you're so upfront about wanting vibrating toys for your sweet ass. Or am I misunderstanding exactly what the phrase "sweet ass toy" means?

slappy said...

Jiggs - you know I'm a grad student, I can't afford that. Me and the mime got it on while the elephant watched.

You know Tumble, I agree with you - given the choice between Monopoly and an ass toy, I'd take the ass toy. Or Settlers. Settlers is good too.

Tumbleweed said...

Oh Jiggsy, I love how you can twist my words and get me all excited! I'm going toy shopping this weekend.

jiggs said...

Slappy: Who doesn't like to do a mime while being watched by an elephant? Settlers is good. We finally got puerto rico, by the way.

tumbleweed: you really are quite libidinous! Let me know how your ass toy works out.

Monkey said...

Holy Mother Of Mayhem! MONKEY POX???

What the hell is going on over here. Oh sure, you say it doesn't infect monkeys, but what if I'm a mime?

Oddly enough Slappy, there are people out there who collect all the editions, every year. Then they wait for 20 years and sell them on eBay for... oh...say... $30.00?

jiggs said...

Monkey: Were you ever Batman's sidekick? Because you're quite good at saying 'holy mother of mayhem!'

Monkey said...

That's part of my past I don't discuss Jiggs. Sorry, but it's all very hush hush.

slappy said...

Monkey, if you really are a mime, I would suggest we don't share any eating utensils for at least two weeks.


word ver: zxxxpo - Finally I have a catchy name for my porn-themed world's fair.

slappy said...

Puerto Rico is a good game, interesting break from the crazy dice that make Settlers such a beautiful game (Of course a 3 was rolled for the fifth time in a row!). I think I love PR more than most people because I'm only a couple generations removed from the sugar cane fields.

Monkey said...

I am several generations removed from the people that robbed the sugar cane field owners and made molasses and rum. Maybe we are related?

I promise not to drink out of your cup Slappy. I'm taking my vitamin C too.

Fred said...

hasbro invented my shiny ass. well, they stole if off the japanese. and they made that gay rights activist he-man popular.

jiggs said...

he man loved the gay rights. As we all should.

masters of the universe will be masters of the universe!