Monday, December 12, 2005

Abbott and Costello, in the year 2525

I thought of a two person comedy routine:

Person 1: I'm gonna have a threesome tonight!
Person 2: A threesome?!? With whom?
Person 1: [showing his hands] with Brenda and Lefty.
Person 2: Masturbation doesn't count as a threesome!
Person 1: It does if I use both hands!
Person 2: Say person 1, if you call your left hand "Lefty", why don't you call your right hand "Righty".
Person 1: "Righty"?!? That wouldn't be romantic!
Person 2: I can't believe I didn't see that coming.
Person 1: That's what Brenda said. Lefty knows better.

And on a completely different note, Tasty and I nearly broke out in fisticuffs over what the exact tune of the A-Team theme song was. Thankfully a gracious bystander averted this would-be tragedy by pointing out that we were losers.


TastyMcJ said...

The A-Team shrine

perhaps you were refering to the inferior 5th season theme.

I feel I still win otherwise (regardless of the 2nd verse)

TastyMcJ said...

In the year 2525
If Abbot is still alive
If Costello can survive
They may find........

In the year 3535
Abbot won't need to tell the truth, tell no lies
Everything Costello thinks, does, or says
Is in the pill he took today

In the year 4545
Abbot ain't gonna need his teeth, won't need his eyes
Costello won't find a thing to chew
He's not gonna look at you

In the year 5555
Abbots arms are hanging limp at his sides
Costello's legs got nothing to do
Some machine, doing that for you

In the year 6565
Abbot won't need no husband, won't need no wife
Costello'll pick your son, pick your daughter too
From the bottom of a long glass tube

In the year 7510
If Abbots's a comin' he ought to make it by then
Maybe he'll look around himself and say
``Guess it's time for the Judgement day''

In the year 8510
Cotello's gonna shake his mighty head
He'll either say ``I'm pleased where man has been''
Or tear it down and start again

In the year 9595
I'm kinda wondering if Abbot's gonna be alive
He's taken everything this old earth can give
And Costello ain't put back nothing...

Now it's been 10,000 years
Abbot has cried a billion tears
For what he never knew
Now Costello's reign is through
But through the eternal night
The twinkling of starlight
So very far away
Maybe it's only yesterday...

In the year 2525
If Abbot is still alive
If Costello can survive
They may find.......

TastyMcJ said...

This song is so contingent on on the main precept that we'll survive to 2525......

I'm beginning to wonder if Zager and Evans aren't just full of shit.

Fred said...

shizzle. i cant beleive you guys argued over the a-team theme. i got some shocking news from end of the world.


The Husband said...

hey, i used to have the A-Team theme song as my ringer on my cell phone. does that make me a dork? i used to have mission impossible as well...the chicks loved it!


Gyrobo said...

Abbot and Costello? There's no such people.

Fred said...

i know of Autobot and Costello. other than that i'm outta ideas.

jamwall said...

the a-team theme goes like this...


i'm like fucking mozart how i can write and memorize music!

jamwall said...

jiggs, when are we planning the next attack?

The Husband said...


lets keep our tradition of doing our blog hits on wednesdays...can everyone do it this wednesday? also, do you think we should do an xmas themed blog hit? i have a hard on just thinking about this!

Brookelina said...

I could have told you that you were a loser, you didn't need a stranger to do that.

jamwall said...

we'll have to do this this week. i recken that the two weeks following will be off limits due to the holidays (you know, fewer people poised for attack).

jiggs said...

Tasty: with respect to your first comment, never will I back down and with respect to your second and third posts: GENIUS LEVEL!

Fred: Isn't you not taking drugs a sign of the apocalypse?

Carl: I don't really believe the proposition that women loved your mission impossible ringtone.

jamwall: I should get you to compose some music for my next jingle.

brooke: It's good to know that I have your support when I need it.

With respect to a new BAoJ attack, I think I would vote for postponing it until after the new year starts up. I'm having some trouble maintaining positivity during the holidays, and the attack would make that harder. BUT, I could be persuaded if the ruling tribunal wanted to have another attack. Sorry about your hard on, Carl.

Calzone said...

Carls hard ons always make me sorry eventually.

Lee Ann said...

I would have figured Brenda's name would have been Rosie!

jiggs said...

zone: I hear that.

lee ann: is there a joke there that I'm missing, or do you think rosie is just a better name than Brenda?

The Husband said...

dear friends,

i'm sorry my erections make you sorry. i'll do my best to prevent them. maybe i'll just get blasted off a ton of booze and coke, thus giving me "whisky dick" and preventing arousal.

jiggs said...

But if you have whiskey dick, how will we have our "special time"?

Lee Ann said...

I like the name Rosie. There is a song about Rosie by Jackson Brown. It is a cool song.
Oh, then again, the Robot from the Jetson's was named Rosie (wasn't she?)

jamwall said...

i don't get "whiskey dick" its more of a straight aqua velva dick. only happens on sundays...when the liquor stores are closed..

miss more said...

The joke I always hear calls the right hand "Rosie Palmer and her five sisters."

jiggs said...

Lee Ann: It's funny that you mention that. I've always wanted to have sex with the robot from the jetsons.

jamwall: Come to think of it, isn't "whiskey dick" and alt country song?

miss more: I like that. Then masturbation becomes an orgy of the fingers.

The Husband said...

i don't know where i got wiskey dick from. i'm originally from NY so i don't think that would come from me but perhaps my college roommate my freshman year...he was a redneck. we only had 1 thing in common...and that was drinking till we passed out. then we drank some more. man, we got along GREAT!

ps- not sure if i mentioned this already, but do you guys ever do the reverse grip masturbation method...its suppose to feel like someone elses hand...but i don't think it works.

FRITZ said...

Now...what happens if you use both hands, a breast, and a tongue?

Is that a quintsome?

Lee Ann said...

Nite Jiggs!

Lee Ann said...

Nite Tasty and Booty

Fred said...

apocolypse, sure. did you see that explosion in london? that was only a few miles away. the sky turned black. apparently the worst peace time disaster or something. so yeah, i gotta get hooked up. wheres calzone when you need him?

pic of the smoke

jiggs said...

Carl: If you're ever in Columbus Ohio, you should go here.

Also, why use the reverse grip when you've got two hands?

Fritz: When you use both hands, a breast and a tongue, you get... Very messy.

Lee Ann: Nite yo.

Fred: As far as I can tell, Calzone hung himself.

Fred said...

whaaaaT?!?!?! dragon buddy!!!

The Husband said...

jiggs...who would have thought there would be a bar called Whiskey Dick....thats awesome.