Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thanksgiving Is a Special Time...

Everybody loves Thanksgiving. Enjoy this classic article describing some of my most precious Thanksgiving memories!

I'm watching a rerun of Walker Texas Ranger right now. Chuck Norris is awesome!


Fred said...

mmm, chuck norris and a cheese log. that makes me horny.

Spinning Girl said...

That story was a fun read. You are too much. Too much! Well, not too much ... you are just enough. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Nick said...

Fred be the illest, yo.

Calzone said...

Fred is so wasted

Monkey said...

If I had known that I could get free holiday meals by surreptitiously touching women's genitals, I would have done it long ago. You dog you! What a boon all your Thanksgivings have been.

I'll send gifts for little Katie's children this year.

Ɯbermilf said...

Um... Happy Thanksgiving...

Friends of McDougal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Friends of McDougal said...

*Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
*Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
*Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
*Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
*Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
*Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
*To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
*The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
*Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
*Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
*When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
*Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
*If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
*Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
*Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
*Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
*There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
*After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
*Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
*When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
*Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
*Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
*Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
*The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
*One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
*Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.

Melliferous Pants said...

Why were you traveling across country when you were seven?

Nick said...

God, I love McDougal. And Chuck Norris.

jiggs said...

Fred: I knew you'd appreciate the norris.

Spinning Girl: Thanks dude! With respect to the "you are just enough" comment: that's what she said!

nick: Fred certainly is gangster lean

calzone: My hands are melting!

monkey: there's a lot you can get by surreptitiously touching a woman's genitals. For example, you can also get a socks.

milf: umm.... likewise

comment deleted: My response has been removed by the author

mcd: I've seen a few of those before. Where did you get them?

pants: you're clearly drunk. That's cool.

nick: don't we all

Fred said...

mc dougal just made me laugh my ass in two. you rule mcdougal! that rhymes. i rule. chuck norris works for me.