Monday, November 28, 2005

Holidays are so exhausting

It's like you go and visit your parents and end up sleeping on that shitty bed that just makes you tired the rest of the day. And you get so bored that you watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and whenever they complain about you not visiting enough you think,
"stop sucking the youthful energy out of me, you desiccated bastards! Try going to see a movie or miniature golf or anything to get out of the house!"
And then you get so drunk that you pass out naked on the couch and poo yourself a little and your parents are all like,
"Look at you! You're pathetic! We regret having you! And why don't you try going and getting a job for once!"
and you yell back "Get off my back you old douchebags!" And then you throw your half filled bottle of Wild Turkey at them and your mother cries.

32 comments:

Lee Ann said...

Jiggs ~ Is that you and your family? Nice looking family. Which one are you?

Melliferous Pants said...

Come on now, we all know your real Thanksgiving ended with your mother giving you a sponge bath.

larin von smartass said...

picturesque.

sounds like mine. got hammerred off wine causing me to devour dinner in mere minutes which was quickly followed by me staggerring up the stairs and passing out on the fouton while my little cousins threw things at me

The Husband said...

yeah...i had a mini bender starting on wednesday night and lasting for about 3 days. thanksgiving i had some champagne, wine, beer and coffee. plenty of fluids!

allison said...

my Thanksgiving was 3 days long. Wed. night with dad, thursday with mom and friday at my friend's ranch.

i have the worst food hangover in history.

allison said...

I posted something very special today in TastyMcJ's honor. Stop by and have a look.

xoxo

TastyMcJ said...

Thanks, AP!

I haven't watched it yet, because I'm in a public computer lab at the moment.

From the description, though...I think I may have seen it already.

It is pretty hilariously bad, if it's the one I think it is.

I will check it out as ASAP.

allison said...

all i know is that i've watched it 5 times b/c it makes me laugh so hard.

are they friends of yours?? j/k ;-)

TastyMcJ said...

No. they definitely are not.

;-)

I love the shot of the aggie ring in the first few seconds.

Kind of sets the tone. (I guess).

allison said...

it sure does. the ring and his shield sunglasses. the best part is that i have some good pals that are aggies and they do the same thing with the towel while watching the games on tv.

Lee Ann said...

Jiggs, I still think you should share a little of that god given talent of yours.... ;)

Nick said...

God I love the holidays.

jiggs said...

Lee Ann: That's not my family. I found that picture on the internet. and what exactly do you mean by God given talent?

Pants: Everyday ends with my mother giving me a spongebath. That's how I got her to stop crying.

LVS: I hate children. Especially cousins.

Carl: Yay for the fluids that make you forget

AP: 3 days of thanksgiving might make me want to blow my brains out!

Nick: Don't we all.

Ɯbermilf said...

That's not Jiggs' family.

They left him at the side of the road when he was 10 and he hasn't seen them since.

He learned about love in the cab of a semi.

Melliferous Pants said...

You never cease to frighten me. I'm crying inside.

jiggs said...

Pants, just wait. you will br frightened even more.

Lee Ann said...

Jiggs....you keep bragging on your tongue....you should share!

Monkey said...

I knew that wasn't Jiggs' family. I met his family and they look like this.

TastyMcJ said...

I would never throw a half-filled bottle of wild turkey at my mother.

I'd be sure to chug the last half first.

Empties make a better sound when they hit stuff, anyway.

Lee Ann said...

Jiggs, While I am gone, I want you to think of a special way to show me your talents. I will be back Tuesday night.

jiggs said...

Lee Ann: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE. SWEET MONKEYS, WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW!

Monkey: Those fine wolves only raised me until age 7. Then I moved into a human home. It was tense until they got my housetrained.

Tasty: The difference between you and I is commitment. I both respect and envy you.

jiggs said...

Lee Ann: it's quite hard to show someone my special talents through the internet. Really things like this have to be done in person.

FRITZ said...

This is too, too true.
WHY do parents feel the need to recreate the original childhood all over again? Why do I always feel like I am thirteen when I spend the night there? And WHAT is up with that BED that drives my back crazy?

I'm so relieved it's not just me.

Charles (Jiggs' Member) said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jiggs said...

Fritz: It's good to know that I'm not the only one that throws half empty bottles of wild turkey at his/her parents.

Monkey said...

My father used to throw bottles of Wild Turkey at us, his children before he went to Minnesota.

He also had sex with a blow up doll at his birthday party, but that is another story all together.

Monkey's Human

jiggs said...

A father throwing a bottle at the kids just isn't right. Sex with a blow up doll, however, might just be perfect.

How's it going, Monkey's Human?

Monkey said...

Life is good. Mighty fine even. Don't worry about my childhood scars. My father had terrible aim. I mean.. not for the doll, but when throwing bottles. He only threw empties though. He was a Scot through and through.

jiggs said...

I concur. Life is good. Tasty will be happy to know that your father finished the bottles and in addition had bad aim.

My favorite part about the monkey movie today was hearing Johnny Damned laugh in the background when you realized that the boy had run off.

Monkey said...

Johnny Damned has a wonderful laugh. You can hear it in the background of the Turkey imitation too.

My favorite part of the video is Johnny Damned's ass. I watch the video over and over just for that.

Monkey's Unhinged Human

P.S. Please give Tasty a hug for me. He's my secret crush.

Zombie Lou said...

Lou Reed's as well.

Fred said...

jiggs is thehairy one. i've seen pictures of his hairy wrists, not to mention his sack. boy that guy is hairy. not quite chuck norris league, but its impressive enough.