Thursday, October 13, 2005

The origin of my name....

This recent google search has led me to recall the origin of my own name.

Unlike those of many of you mere mortals, the TastyMcJ family tree is a complex maze of namings, re-namings, mis-namings, and no-namings.

As has been our clan tradition for 18 score, when young-ones reach puberty (which is around 4 or 5 years old for the men...we've got a shitload of testosterone swirling around in our gene-pool, bitches)we go on a vision quest to find a suitable name for ourselves. At this point, our prepubescent personae dissolve away, and we re-emerge as adults from the maelstrom that is adolescence.

As I recall, I was making one of my bi-daily visits to the local McDonalds (every tradition that relies on vision quests usually has some chemical means of inducing hallucinations), and I was surprised to find that once again, the McRib was off the menu (those fuckers). I was hungry. Hungry for a sandwich that would quench my thirst for rib-shaped pressed meat.

Alas.

It was at this point I collapsed onto the condiment shelf, knocking over the sweet 'n sour dispenser.

And I had a vision.

John Candy's ghost appeared before me, holding a silver platter adorned with obsidian inlays. Upon this platter was a velour pillow, and upon that pillow was a sandwich that defied description.

I called this sandwich the TastyMcJ.

If McDonald’s was ever to make a sandwich just for me, this was it.

And I was it, from that day forward.

Shortly thereafter, my girlfriend at the time revived me by dumping a Super-Size Hi-C into the large gash from the coffemaker my face landed on.

She asked me if I was ok.

I said, 'I'm sorry baby. After 13 long years of questing, I've had my vision. I'm a man now. We're through. I must live a life of supposedly by-choice abstinence from here on out; the only outlet for my pent-up sexual frustration will be the internet.'

Forthwith, tastymcj@yahoo.com was created to register for online pornography sites.

Somehow, many years later, I ended up here (like Jesus, that part of my life remains an uncataloged mystery).

Now you, too, loyal jiggsblog readers, know the whole story.

And knowing is half the battle.

7 comments:

Lee Ann said...

Hmmmm....that is interesting =)

Calzone said...

I'm dissapointed...I thought it was about weed...J being slang for a joint.

TastyMcJ said...

I tried to make a TastyMcJ (the sandwich) with pot once.

It detracted too much from the special sauce, I felt.

Calzone said...

yeah...weed doesn't taste as good as you would think.

Fred said...

knowing is half the battle!

heee hee. maybe thats a super subtle reference, or maybe im imagining it.

jiggs said...

Go Joe!

TastyMcJ said...

well, that GI Joe reference was only 1/10 as subtle as the simpsons reference I made in my 2nd to last post.